"My... intuition." - Demetra, Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over
lol, today ruled. party!!! our class feasted 2 death and did the dancers' hair (including spraying our own hair pink, green and/or white) and adding glitter. fun ^^ and our dance rules man!! (As quoted from Mrs Png, "Ms Lee and I were saying Wow, are those the girls we know?! So sexy!!!") and the other performances ruled as well. then went 2 NYPS. their clock tower is almost a carbon copy of our own clock tower *wails in indignation* ah well. sigh. i love everybody!!!

watched Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over. quite nice, altho the 3-D glasses thing gave me a serious headache. then we took neoprints. turned out slightly weird O_o

Kimberly is damn zai. she finished the entire grad mag thingie herself man... hai~ *feels very guilty* yo mikeon, SEC 2 COMM MEMBERS OWE U ONE!! *huggggg*

-=I lOvE yUj!! AnD zWiNg!! AnD vIc!!! AnD... fInE, a WhOlE lOtTa OtHeRs=-

Friday, 29th August, 2003
10:48 p.m.

"This is so lame. What's lame in chinese? ... Cang2 fei4? Okay... *writes*" - Vic O_o
LOL, vic was being extra lame 2dae. trying 2 write a note 2 tell zwing to go out with her tmrw. and by go out i DON'T mean the kissy-kissy-date type (seriously, can u actually imagine VIC in a situation like that?!) altho i was doing my best 2 irritate her =P she was yakking away (on the MY phone, for no less than 8 minutes --"[but i don't rlli mind, since its vic. if it were NICOLE or some other crappy thing like her, then yeah, i'd mind a hell lot]) to zwing, and insisting that zwing go out with her tmrw, and i kept yelling that she wanted 2 french zwingie, lol ^^ ah well. it would be scary if she actually DID...

y'noe what i just noticed? it's so weird. when i was arguing with josh, and when i thot he was mad at me, i deliberately ignored him, and it was so difficult just 2 last thru the first day, with the next few days being no less painful. but now that we're on good terms again (i THINK), i've barely smsed him for, what, more than a week?

these things just get scarier and scarier when you think about the implications.

-=*gEtS iNcReAsInGlY wOrRiEd AbOuT tOnGcE* iT's NoT mY fAuLt I cOuLdN't FiNd LaO sHi!! AnD oH nO, gRaD mAg!!!=-

Thursday, 28th August, 2003
7:52 p.m.

Fine. No bloody quote today. Am I supposed to feel disappointed or happy? I guess I AM inclined to feel the former, and frankly I have a right to. Why can't they just leave it. Don't they think people CARE? About all the message I'm getting from them is: Manyun's chioer and smarter than you, so step back, loser. And I know I can do it, I know I can play the part. And I didn't even have any help, didn't use the points Qintan gave me, I just did it all by myself, and I know it was okay. It was supposed to be tragic, wasn't it? Manyun just looked hysterical and inane. (yes, I mean "inane", not "insane". Don't you think I know what I'm typing?) To the few people who actually cared, Momma Mich and Great Granma Veron, thank you so much, I love you both more than I can say. At least I'm not universally hated then. To the rest, damn it, I'm not asking for adoration, all I want is acceptance, can't you even respect me enough to give me that? I DO have feelings, and all you've managed to do is bruise them very badly.

I suppose maybe I was too proud. A bit too much to think that I would seriously get a larger role just because I was one of the main leads last year, and maybe I shouldn't have thought that it certified some sort of acting prowess. For the english play, fine. Even if I don't like the castings, I'll accept it because it was Ms Choo's decision. But the chinese play? Newsflash, people: I'm not one of those quiet people like Sara or Shean Han. I'm not the type to sit back and watch, or be one of the background props. It's not so much the attention, but I just plain love acting. I get scared and bashful, but I still love acting. And you ripped it away from me, just like that. For two blissful weeks I was assured that someone would actually deign to be fair. I've got practically no role for the english play, so fine, they DID say it would be fair for the teensy-role people to get a major role in the chinese play. And what happened? They bloody fucking well lied. In the end Manyun has both major roles, including her own for the CHV play, and I have to take the backseat. Some people think it's nice to have a friend who's so popular and funky and funny and whatever. Well, it's not. All it does is make you sink beside her, and people tolerate you because you come in a package with her. Do you think it's nice, to be tolerated? I don't. I seriously don't, because I'm on the receiving end.

I know this sounds stupid to all of you, but it's because you're not me. You're not the stupid 14-year-old girl who runs around crying for people and trying to help them even if she doesn't particularly like them. You're not the silly git who loves people so much she would die for them, without realising until now that they probably don't love her back, and that they probably view her shows of affection as seriously irritating. You're not me, so stop ruining my life already. If I'm not in school tomorrow, I'm either sick with grief or I've gone to commit suicide. Either one's about the same anyway. I've lost my soul, now only my body's left to go...

-=i'M cRyInG sO hArD, aNd YoU dOn'T eVeN cArE, dO yOu...=-

Tuesday, 19th June, 2003
7:52 p.m.

"Shit, MORE leaves..." - Me ^^
learnt 3 new songs in the space of 2 days ^^ so fun!! Cui Dong Cui, The Silver Swan, and Weep, O Mine Eyes. Cui Dong Cui is wayyyyyyy the nicest and funnest =P and chek came back!! left us "love letters", lol. pity me and kimberly dint get separate letters. but seriously, even tho it was included in krys's, at least we HAD something dedicated to us. can't imagine how terrible it wld feel if she'd forgotten us entirely >.<

Comm meeeting!!!!! yay, we're going 2 have a choir camp at the end of the yr! plus our concert next yr. extra stressy plans... ah well. plus that genting trip 2. december is gonna be a r0wKer month. (and mdm yick dropped in a cake for us, which evry1 forgot about, and comm ended up eating it all, hee~)

after that, went to jean's house to do the stupid history project. finished up the speech (jean kept staring while I was typing, cuz i was happily modifying every other word and sentence) and we're doing the poster in sch ("Eyy?? I thought I had it here last time..." so says Jean when we started trying to do the poster). Siok's doing the pamphlet thingie.. oh no. monday recess. HOME EC. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

last statement: choir rules. choir rules. choir rules. choir rawks. choir rox dA world. choir reigns supreme. (lol, extra crappy 2dae...) I HEREBY PLEDGE TO PERSONALLY MURDER ANYBODY WHO INSULTS CHOIR. oh, and i've made up with josh. personal triumph, that, apologising when it wasn't my fault. ahhhh nvm. (okae fine, evrything above happened yesterday. since its already sunday --" *yawn*)

-=tSaRiKoS SOOOOOOOO tOtAlLy LoVeS cOmM mEeTiNgS=-

Sunday, 17th August, 2003
1:49 a.m.

"What the fuck do u tink i'd be contradicitng myself for???"
huh. the traffic at the sec 1 gep-flamer bitch's site is cooling down. o.O

for any1 who still feels like wasting some time pairing me up with joshua chan wen yong for no reason, SCREW OFF. i'm not even talking to him, alrite? and the point is (to josh), I'm SO not sorry for what I said. 'Cuz I remember you saying something to that effect about someone else I cared for. So if YOU wanna get mad over something like this, you're bloody petty. Too bad. And if you wanna try extricating an apology, just try, will you. I'd appreciate the effort more.

-= --" =-

Monday, 11th August, 2003
10:36 p.m.

"Let's play Lasermania!" - Mandaloo
NaTiOnAl DaY bE tMrW, bAyBeEeEeE... haiz~ just very bored. today was great, the national day celebrations were excellent, Jiehui and Val and Krys sang man!!! most of the choir was gathered just before the podium 2 cheer them on, lolx. choir rulez!! and everyone was so hyper, jumping up and down and hopping and running around, was so fun! and yink's shirt was soaked thru at the back >.<

went out with a few pple. manyun, mandaloo, litz, chiaming, cherry and renyi. jean anf jennifer backed out because they said they were gitstired and they wanted to go home and sleep --" sheesh man... had lunch at Lido, then coasted around in Far East and took neoprints. then we watched "How To Deal"!!!! it's basically under the classification of plot-what-plot, but TRENT FORD IS SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO DAMN CUTE!!!!!! wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy cuter than even Oliver James man... if only i'd taken more cards, then I could wallpaper my room with his face... *longing* after the movie, we went 2 cine 2 play lasermania (manyun went 2 Zara on her own to shop, and cherry ran off to Borders, where she proceeded to get bored with the books after reading two pages) only to find that it was closed. no reason mentioned. haiz~

Oh, after that we went over to Heeren, where we met Wenqi and her CO friends (Wenqi was still quite obviously the shortest =P) and we then proceeded to take some more neoprints (at my insistence - as a result, I paid for all of them). Cherry was already with us to take that round of neoprints, but Manyun wasn't back. She'd called but apparantly lost her bearings and so stopped to shop in Wisma. as a result, we all left and went home, and manyun continued shopping in Heeren on her own. oh yeah, met Azlyn there!! we were leaving already, and I suddenly saw Az and her friend walking around in Heeren, so I stalked her abit then went "Boo" in her ear o.O gave her a teensy bit of a shock , i suppose. after that we went off to the MRT station (me, amanda, chiaming), renyi wandered off somewhere (you left ur horrid skirt in my bag!!!!) and litz and cherry went off, errr, somewhere.

sigh, time for melancholy. whyyyyyyyyy... I know carol has a new site, amanda told me mitch bought her a domain, and shao-y was surfing it the other day in the library, but she wldn't let me see the link. and carol never even told me she's changed site. Am I supposed to feel hurt that she apparantly doesn't care what I would feel when I realised something had changed? I mean, she should know, I coast her site on a regular basis, a few times every week... haiz~

Oh, and to that mysterious sec 1 gep-flamer, don't judge us like that. so what if you know bitches in gep? there's a lot of bitches in this school. hell, from what i've read, ur a despo bitch too. to reiterate my point, don't you understand that we're basically like you? sure, we got lucky in P3, in P6, and some of the mainstreamers out there could have come in here if they'd wanted. ur best friend could possibly have been a gepper, if so u wldn't flame the gep that much wld u? and about mr adrian chan, i don't really understand ur obsession with him, but please don't hold it against my juniors that they apparantly don't appreciate him, I'm sure he's a nice teacher, but u have to understand. If he's a normal person, he has biases too, so isn't it reasonable that he might be biased against 1/13 and not against ur class? I know it's possible, my own english tchr was biased against my class (1/13 2002) and extra nice to other classes. so come on, don't be so harsh. (no comment for saying "fuck", if you read thru my blog u'll notice I don't use it as aften because it doesn't really work to release anger for me, but barely any of us disapprove of it, seriously) and happy national day, even if you want to hold this against me~

-=hApPy BiRtHdAy SiNgApOrE!!!=-

Saturday, 8th August, 2003
10:58 p.m.

"Hey!! That's ME!! Cute right?? *EGO*" - Quijun, Sec 4 presentation
phew, can't believe I haven't blogged 4 so long >.< basic updates: MS LIM'S BURTHDAE PARTY WAS ON SATURDAY!! same day as NY open house. pretty weird, first comm went early 2 prepare all the stuff. *rmbrs blowing balloons till near-fainting stage* *wince* and viv's cake is so nice!! yummy. pity I didn't exactly have a very big piece. but since seniors had priority, alot of sec 1s didn't have a peice of their own, so I gave them my piece and picked some bits off the platter í±¸í¿ may have regretted it, but hell larh... then Yuru and Soh Ee danced the waltz in front of Ms Lim, ahhhhh, so cute!! *squeal* memories, memories, hai~...

okay, then we went down to that patio outside the GO. acoustics damn good!! whatever we sang was ringing around the staffrooms, and the teachers kept poking their heads out to listen and grin at us, lol. but actually, all the ringing interfered with our timing. I'm pretty sure every single section missed their cues at some point or another. and there was barely any1 listening lorhx, only a few councillors at the "counter", Mdm. Yick, and the other teachers and pple who happened to be there. hai~ but at least it was fun!! Amanda kept making suggestions as to what moves we should do while singing "Let It Shine", which Celine and Clara and Kaixuan obligingly started, then most of the choir present followed, heh. Janice says it was funny, lolx!

okay fine, so away from the past and on to today. maths, followed by chinese speech training and gym. chinese speech training was strange, felt kinda weird, then serene said I was sweating (in the aircon room, M3-10) and my forehead was quite hot =S after that cuz the class was making so much noise while Acey and Qintan were trying to assign roles that I yelled at them (it was the 2nd time, I think) and I heard Nicole's discreet *coffcoff* whisper of "What's Kerryn's problem..." what's my problem? It's because I can't deal with assholes like you who don't respect others, so too bad for you if you can't handle me.

-=tSaRiKoS fEeLs RaThEr IlL...=-

Tuesday, 5th August, 2003
3:53 p.m.

"Nanyang Girls' High... GOLD!!!"
whoa, havent blogged 4 a hell of time. anywae... NY RULESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOO~ ah well, thats pretty much all i can sae 2dae. rather stoned, still havent recovered from the overwhelming effects of receiving a gold. ahhhhhhh~~ I LOVE YOU ALL!!! and uhoh, FMSS has SYF tmrw. JIAYOU FMSS, LOVE YOU 2!!! especially 2 jeremy, don't screw up ur bass parts!! ;)

-=tSaRiKoS lOvEs EvErY sInGlE nY cHoRiStEr To BiTs=-

Monday, 21th July, 2003
10:47 p.m.

"Trust my recipe for instant bride, you'll bring honour to us all..." - Honour to us all
yay, SYF Opening was so fun! and Jeremy gave me a rose 4 my burthdae, lol. hmm well, yesterdae was my burthdae!!! got a rose from YYD, burthdae card-cum-bookmark thingie from nicole, red flower magnet thingie from carol, and 2dae yawen got me a purple windchime, yayness, they rule!!! love you all!! *hugs*

hmm, in ite now. so nice, mulan songs r so nice! "How can I make a man out of you??" hee. can't believe i havent blogged 4 more than a week *gasp of horror* oops, gtg 4 stupid NE quiz now. sigh. lame. yay, Ms Fong rules man, she doesn't mind that Manyun and I are singing Mulan songs in class. She must like Mulan songs too, lol. hmm, Peishan and her fren just walked in, only they aren't allowed to use the computers in this lab. anyhow, I MISS THE COMBINED CHOIR... sigh. LOVE YOU ALL!

-=tSaRiKoS lOvEs "ReFlEcTiOnS" aNd "UmAfAmIlIa"=-

Thursday, 10th July, 2003
3:34 p.m.

"She has a lot of guys in her phonebook..." - Widdle Tiger Cub
full dress reahearsal at Esplanade today. tiring. major foot owchies. headache. overload of hmwk. dirty gown. sore throat. ahhhhh. on the other hand, a bunche of new frens. yayness!

left class during recess, ate an eensy bitty with manyun then paced around trying 2 call celine and kimberly cuz i cldnt find them. sorry gals, 4got we arranged 2 meet at the picnic bench, paiseh =X then changed in2 gowns and brought our bags in2 english dep. 4 security

got to Esplanade darn early, stoned awhile on a carpet set out specially 4 us 2 sit on ^^ then after the other schs arrived, ms lim had a little warm-up with us, just 2 check if we all knew our entry notes. then she decided that the alto 1 NY choristers, standing in a row at the back, looked kinda gloomy, so she tried 2 shift us to the front. and errrr, i'm ashamed 2 say that i misstepped and fell *embarrassed* dirtied my gown lehx, horrid floor.

we were all standing on the stage and there was a very long period of waiting, wherein the SNYO and choirs shifted and fidgeted behind the curtain, while the sound of drums and stuff plaed beyond the curtain. then, as sudden as the spotlights above us, it snapped up, and WHOOSH, we were staring up again at the 4 levels of seats in the Esplanade Main Theatre. singing was beautiful, totally fun, but altos were just a wee bit soft (understatement. don't mind me). but what to do, i noe alot of us already gave our best, maybe its cuz the JCs wernt around. which wld mean we're dependent on them. no good *shakes head violently*

after we went backstage, all the other sch choirs went off except us poor NY pple. after a long boring wait (we were all getting sick of plaeing with each other's hdfones, tho Cherie was searching thru my fonebook and adding numbers 2 hers), Ms Sandra Yuen came and swept us to the seats 2 watch a few of the perfs :P fun! but was so tired by then that I cldnt rlli enjoy it.

at least the bus trip back was fun. sec 2s sat at the back and sang different songs. and cuz of my love of soprano (altho i'm alto), i sang the sop parts 4 us (wasnt rlli influenced by Jie Hui's stating that all com members shld noe all the parts, not just our own) while the others sang their parts, cuz we're all altos. laff, Ant's Summer was the funnest 2 sing sop 4. mel got a heck of a shock when i told her i was in sop from P2 thru P6. pity, i kinda miss singing so high. but then i wldnt leave alto 4 the world now =D ~muackx~

-=tSaRiKoS lOvEs ChOiR tO bItS=-

Wednesday, 2nd July, 2003
11:14 p.m.

"Hey! Hey! HEY!" - Renyi
lol, now that CSP's over and done with, i miss JBP. sigh. I'm pining for Watermelon and Ringer. they're both so so so so so so so cute, on my last dae there they were both perched on my shoulders and preening my hair, lol. then after awhile Watermelon moved to my back and Ringer hopped onto my head and started kicking. I think Watermelon likes me, she spent the whole half hr standing on my shoulder and preening my hair (also nibbling my ear and specs) *melts*

ah well. choir 2dae!! got there late >.< then we had a workshop in the audi with 5 other choirs: TKGS (Ms Lim!!! whooooo ^^), Commonwealth and Cat High (Mr Kwei, the overgrown teddy bear, lolx), MGS and CHIJTP (Ms Tham, the shortie :PpPpP). lolx, so funny, the cat high sops. cldnt help but laff, they sounded lyk gays wimps castratos with that farnee "Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh" line in the tribal song ;) and this Alfred guy said TK has "*ping*" and NY has a full-bodied, brassy sound í±¸í¿ anyhow, NY AND TK RULE! *^5, trix*

-=tSaRiKoS sAyS pOoT=-

Sunday, 29th June, 2003
1:13 a.m.

"NY rulez! WOOHOOO!!!" - Janice!
sigh. why why why. i feel feverish again. I hardly ever get sick, why meeeeeeeeeee...

lol, i think denby wld have killed 2 go 2 today's CSP at JBP, cuz wuf was wearing a shirt and shorts, laff. ah well. i feel lyk torturing someone 2 ease my murderous mood with sadistic pleasure. might as well be her, since josh apparantly doesn't seem to want to reply *glower*

JBP was strange. ours was supposed to be office work, but we got dragged out 2 the amphitheatre to CLEAN THE BENCHES. yes, our grp had to sweep and mop the damn floor, and poor souls lyk me and fur and litz had 2 scrub the benches clean of dried bird shit with grimy clothes and dirty water. disgusting.

lol, came back with jean and sarah. ooi's nice. yayness. then jean and i went bouncing around J8 just out of pure boliaoness, and we went 2 the vcd shop and i got her an early burthdae prezzie: Meteor Garden 2. cost $27 man, sigh. ah well, she's getting me MG1 for MY burthdae, and maybe MG2 for my x'mas prezzie!!! *gleeful* lol, hope so...

-=tSaRiKoS nOw HaTeS bIrD pOoP aS wElL=-

Monday, 23rd June, 2003
9:22 p.m.

"Go suck an icecube!" - Widdle Tiger Cub Cherie
sigh. what a change from yesterday, when i was happy and healthy. now i'm running a fever. yes, still. started from 9pm yesterday, temperature shot up to 38°C, then went down down abit at 10.30pm, 37.8°C. called cherie, and she told me 2 go suck an icecube and sleep awhile. thankie widdle tiger cub~ *hugs*

what a joke. when other pple're sick, i call them to ask if they're okae. now that I'M sick, pple either don't know or don't care. i feel so loved. --"

parents won't let me go to the HCJC concert at Concourse, sigh. how can i not go?? i have to support peesh and amelia and judith and yuan ye!! but they won't let me. urgh.

then, what a surprise. josh started saeing "*hugs*" again yesterday, only because i was sick. then when i told him i was better, he stopped. yay. sigh. never thot i'd say this, but i miss sch.

-=tSaRiKoS hAtEs F's. FeVeRs AnD fAlSe FrEnS=-

Sunday, 22nd June, 2003
6:23 p.m.

"When will my reflections show, who I am inside..." - Beeyooteefool music from Yawenny's site
laff. okae. thursdae afternoon and nite: combined prac at kallang theatre 4 SYF Opening!! with Anglican, TK, HC, NJ and Fairfield. Fun! only im stuck in front (with poor Yuan Ye) behind that tall HC vp. can't see, argh.

yesterdae: wedding! woke up early and went 2 my fave cousin's house 4 her wedding ceremony stuffies. incidentally, her ex-colleague, ms yeo cheng yong, is none other than the famous NY Link tchr-in-charge, Yoyo =P lol, but she was very nice larhx, she said i can still address her as a fren in sch if we meet in the corridors, lolx =) stuffed from wedding dinner, owww~

todae: got yanked outta bed early in the morning by my mom. she happily decided that i shld go early with her 1 sch so i dun have 2 take a bus myself. sounds nice? she dragged me to sch 2 AND A 1/2 HRS EARLY. sigh. gtg 4 choir soon. yay, josh just smsed. he got Meteora 4 me 4 my burthdae prezzie!!! ^^ *delighted* ah well. shall go now, been neglecting chermaine a bit 2 much this past hr. buhbye~

-=tSaRiKoS lYkS bEiNg SpAsTiC. sO sHoOt Me.=-

Saturday, 21th June, 2003
10:09 a.m.

"You forgot me. Me me. Darrell is so shuai. Lol." - Darrell
laff, was excused from going 2 2dae's prac cuz qinyou 4got i dunno how 2 plae piano. lol. can't imagine who's gonna be SL in the future, since both me and kimberly cant plae piano. Yiting? maybe, but she's so quiet... and jennifer? yeah, maybe... ah well. wait till next yr and see, lol.

heh, talking 2 darrell. he's so nice, laff. dunno y denby doesnt lyk him. or at least i THINK she doesnt. ah well. exchanging pix with him. sigh, all i've got r the stupid 1s we took at chiaming's house man, urgh. and now he owes me 2. wait, 3. lol, yay.

hmm, suddenly i dun feel lyk blogging anymore. haiz~ what's wrong with me... going 4 dinner tmrw with the SYF opening choir group after our prac. yay, at least that's SOMETHING 2 look forward 2...

been writing alot of weird poems lately. i miss carol. sighhhhhh...

-=tSaRiKoS mIsSeS cHoIr. AnD cArOl=-

Saturday, 18th June, 2003
11:36 p.m.

"Doth thou not see how thy slightest gesture hath acquired the power to sweep thy unworthy servant off these weak legs which tremble in the might of thy presence?" - Some crap composed by moi, lol
Once again i havent blogged 4 a long time. getting 2 be quite a bad habit, this. according 2 chan leong, my blog's kinda messy and i shld leave it 2 rot, but hell, its mine! i'll leave it any wae i wish, lol

okae, lemme see... basically, its been rather a hectic week. had a choir prac on tuesdae, which was pretty okae. got sabo-ed by qinyou, gotta go back next wednesdae 2 teacht he sec 1s, altho the prac's officially CANCELLED 4 the rest of the choir... sigh, ah well, not 2 bad, got her 2 sabo kimberly as well =P its weird, not that we're both logistics, we're practically as much of a "buy 1 get 1 free" pair as me and manyun r a pair 2 our class =X

then another 2 pracs on wednesdae, 1 at CCAB, 4 the SYF opening (CCAB's so nice!! and the other sch choirs r nice 2 =P), and after that us 6 alto sec 2s went off 2 orchard. had lunch at cineleisure, then went 2 heeren 2 take neoprints =P looks damn farnee. if i get a site i shall try 2 scan them in, tho my scanner is screwed anywae.

yesterdae's prac was fun as well, went early and alot of pple who passed me by asked about the starting time of the prac í±¸í¿ then 2dae's prac was even funner, the JCs were all there, had a fun time bonding with peesh, now she's even HCJC choir pres =P *is proud of ex-pres* prac ended abit late tho, was extra late getting over 2 jurong east 4 ice skating, sigh, sorry galz

heh, got vic over after her tuition and we went romping around jurong point. in the end manyun bought a black jacket and went off, and vic bought a crouton 2 eat, and i bought a mcdonald's EVM and shared with her. then when we took the train home, i fell asleep on her shoulder =X she has comfy shoulders!! fun 2 sleep on, lolx. then i got off at city hall and took the train 2 bishan. fell asleep there 2, and fell asleep AGAIN on the bus home. urgh.

got home and the 1 of the 1st things i thot of when i got 2 my room was 2 send carol something encouraging. dint noe if she got my other msgs, but i think she did, cuz she replied this 1, thanking me 4 the encouragements. sigh, im terribly touched (don't u even dare suggest it being in the head), cuz she said she missed me. 1st time she ever said that... *heart melts* sigh, poor girl, her parents're pulling all the covers down on her now, not supposed 2 have calls after 9pm and supposed 2 turn her fone off. sigh, shall call her tmrw, i miss her voice (",)

-=tSaRiKoS iS bAsIcAlLy InSaNe=-

Saturday, 14th June, 2003
11:36 p.m.

"Logistics... Kimberly and Kerryn!" - Jiehui and Yuru
whooooo, cant believe i actually got in2 the choir admin committee... *is dead from euphoria* once again i havent updated some current events, so, yeah. basically, I'm logistics in the admin com now. had 2 go at 9.30 on saturday 4 the handover of duties, and it was extra extra fun. the old com was so undignified =P ah well. had a new song 4 the SYF opening, its called "Umafamilia", very tedious 2 learn, but nice! went to the NJC open house after that. quite fun, NJC's a beautiful sch...

so fun, went out the whole of 2dae, left house at 11 and went with jean 2 bugis, where we met manyun. had an itty bit 2 drink, then went 2 seiyu parco, damn fun, manyun was smearing make-up all over us, and jean happily coated her nose with glittery blue eyeshadow, and i tried on this light green eyeshadow *grin* then we ran 4 jean's church service, which was rlli fun, cuz we started out plaeing games, then singing alot :P but then at 1 part alot of the teens went out and knelt down and cried :| scary, manyun and i were standing there wondering what was going on >.<

after that, went 2 orchard, and practically ran our asses flat shopping. i bought a rlli nice, long, greyish, velvety pair of jeans, and the matrix reloaded soundtrack, and nat's and maine's burthdae prezzies, and a pair of army-design slippers =D fun! but now im effectively broke, and i 4got 2 get josh a prezzie 2, what with his getting me "Meteora" and wrapping it with a ribbon (litzee's suggestion) --" sighhh *feels guilty* anywae, tired, feet sore. byebye

-=tSaRiKoS iS aN oVeRjOyEd LoGiStIcS rEp WiTh GrEeN eYeShAdOw=-

Monday, 9th June, 2003
1:11 a.m.

"Zinc you! Zinc you all!!" - Siok
hmm, having ITE now. fun, slack time, and ms fong rules 2.

yesterday was nice. actually passed my chem test!! and got a box of chocs from sandy tan 4 gd improvement =| only , well, nat was crying, im not very sure why, and i felt terrible, cuz, i mean, there was this weird feeling inside me of "crap, i shlda just crapped my way thru and failed with them 2", sigh. hmmmmm, vic taught us this weirdo joke that she tried on denby ^^

Vic: Do you know what I'm going to do with my leg?
Denby: uhhhh, noo...
*vic slings right leg over denby's left leg*
Denby: *oh nooooo*
Vic: Do you know what I'm going to do with my arm?
Denby: O.O
*vic slings arm over denby's shoulder and pulls her close*
Vic: Do you know what I'm going to do with my mouth?
Denby: *premonition, premonition* uhoh..
Vic: *thbbbbbbbbt* *laffs crazily*

*grin* so dumb yah? but farnee 2 see pple's reactions by the time we get 2 the mouth part. wuf was squirming away from denby b4 denby cld even sling her leg over, and jean squealed and jumped away when i got to the mouth part ^^ oops, bell just rang. we're late 4 class!!! diez, argh...

-=tSaRiKoS iS sCaReD oF tHe ElEcTiOnS rEsUlTs=-

Friday, 6th June, 2003
9:58 a.m.

"Don't pick your nose, pick me!" - Val
okae, fridae was wayyyyyy fun!! after geog exam, we spent the rest of the dae after recess watching "Life Is Beautiful". 'twas so sad tho, when Guido was shot, alot of us were crying. (okayy, as manyun says, it was only me >.<) i was sobbing in2 denby's back =X sorry denby >.< went 4 choir as usual.

oh oh oh, then AFTER that, went 2 watch "What A Girl Wants" with yawen, maine, denby, amanda ^^ and nicole --" and OLIVER JAMES IS SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO CUTE!!!!! *gushes* oh, then after that we went 2 Heeren 2 take neoprints, and maine looked the best in the whole thing =) not that she doesnt always look gd anywae. then my face was half cut-off >.< and they said it made me look lyk manyun!! freaky... then i slept over at denby's house and nicole slept over at maine's.

i luv denby's house!!! it's, lyk, wayyyyy cool *grinz* and she's got her own com man, hmph... *jealous jealous, envy envy* and when we were gonna sleep i was babbling senselessly cuz i had a headache and was getting kinda dizzy again, just lyk on wednesdae, then denby was murmuring sleepily, so i just let her sleep. cldnt rlli get 2 sleep, and when i was drifting off, she managed 2 kick a pillow down on my face >.< then next morning her mom dropped me at the tchs busstop (i was going 2 grace's house) and drove denby 2 maine's house so they cld go 4 HSSRP.

at grace's house... let's just sae i think i managed 2 give her mom a heart attack, cuz i 4got where grace slept, and i was wandering Faith's room, wondering if Faith was her. then i popped my head in2 grace's mom's room and tried asking where grace was =X then i suddenly rmbred she slept in the attic, so i went up and, well, woke her up. then after that we watched "10 Things I Hate About You" halfwae (i had 2 go 4 choir) and i got her maid 2 help me iron my uniform and i left.

choir... elections *groan* lucky jiehui dint make us poor lil' sec 2s make speeches, only the sec 3s. in any case, there were two elected gals missing from each level. kaixuan and cherm were having CIP, and shawna was in USA for OM, and gladys was sick (i think). and val made an extremely meaningful comment, alot different from the crap comment she made last yr about "Don't pick your nose, pick me!" =P she said "Don't pick someone because you can handle her. Pick someone because she can handle you." cool rite? *grin* she's definitely pres, and cherie's vice-pres *fond smile* as 4 me... i have no idea what i'll get, whether i can make it in2 the com, or whether ill be kicked out. i think that actually i'd be happier if i were kick out and evry1 else got in if it made them happy, since jiehui told us that, no matter whether or not we're in the com, we all have a share in deciding the fate of the choir. but kimberly said if im kicked out, she wldnt be happy -is mollified- waddaya noe... *muse*

-=tSaRiKoS hAtEs ElEcTiOnS=-

Sunday, 1st June, 2003
7:58 a.m.

"Download it! then you can play games against me, yay" - Ben
sigh, stupid stupid geog exam. sux. mugging population studies now, later gonna do agriculture. nv cld rmbr all the agricultural crap. sigh.
hmm, was feeling sick 2dae during recess. but i guess i'd gladly be sick again, cuz it kinda showed me who cares. not accurate, duh, cuz not evry1 was there. 1st to notice was maine, then after that carol and janice came in, and i dunno who else liaOx. so nice of carol, she just sat there next 2 me 4 awhile, stroking my hair. kinda makes me think what my mom wld do if i were sick and at home. probably about the same, maybe. got a little dizzy after carol left, i only rmbr continually raising my head to tell pple that i was alrite, just feeling a little sick. sigh, carol promised 2 stop by at the end of recess, but i had 2 go change and hand up my bio journal, so i dunno if she rlli did pop by. bet she did tho...

sigh, acey was abit mean 2dae after sch. i had 2 go fotocopy the world map thingies 4 the class (don't ask me why I was stupid enough 2 volunteer) and evry1 was just checking hcl markz, and i just dropped by while the paper was at wuf's table (next 2 Acey) and tried 2 check if i'd at least managed 2 pass, and trying 2 count which row was mine, and Acey was telling me 2 give it 2 her and i was telling 2 wait abit and she yelled "NO" at me. lyk, what did i do?!?! stormed off 2 the printing room, only 2 realise i'd left my wallet behind, then went back in a rlli rlli bad mood and snapped at yawen. apologised afterward, but i still feel bad. i mean, yeah, evry1 gets mad once in awhile, but i dun wanna make yawen mad lyk acey made me mad. maybe Ace dint mean it, but it was still mean. shall see if she talks 2 me tmrw, or if she's truly mad at me. i mean, we almost always seem 2 be made 2 work with each other now, since we're the odd ones out in our grps. sticky ends, you might say. she's my partner 4 the temperature-taking thingie. hope she rlli isnt mad at me, tho, or at least if she is, hope she tells me y she's mad...

("Hao Xin Fen Shou" by Candy Lo and Wang Lee Hom!!!) -> stupid outburst of the day. now that that's over with, I might as well go back 2 mugging 4 geog.

-=tSaRiKoS iS mUgGiNg FoR tHe StUpId GeOg ExAm=-

Wednesday, 28th May, 2003
6:46 a.m.

"Qintan!!! Are you going to go for lunch?!?!?!?" - Sheue Ying (Tansy)
Oh gosh, i seem 2 be blogging almost weekly now. oh sigh. shall do by days again, i guess. then again, maybe i shant bother. Dad's coming soon. gtg in abit. nat just fnished doing a few of the quizzies on my blog. damn gtg. ugh,. parents r 10 mins early, argh.

-=tSaRiKoS iS lAtEeEeE=-

Saturday, May 26th, 2003
3:24 p.m.

"If I ever get my hands on her, I swear I will break at least 8 of her fingers before she gets away. That is, if she manages to get away."
Freaky. S'been a whole week since i last blogged *startled* O.O time passes fast. sigh. shall do a day-by-day acct then. the only prob i see with that is that i can't exactly rmbr alot that happened evry dae. ah well, sigh.

Thursday: sux. as usual. 2 quote val, "Friday is almost here!!!" *excited squeal*
Friday: goodie, choir at last. now that i've gotten over mel's impending departure, we're back 2 being gd buddies *grin* argh, i dunno y, but i rlli rlli can't stand yoke teng. 2 quote qinyou, "plS help me scold that yOke teng, i can't stAnd her faCe". do u noe, she actually complained that the current songs wern't nice??? *furious* and she ROLLED HER EYES when Krys made a mistake while teaching us "All Creatures Now Are Merry-minded" *flaming mad* i mean, if she's so great, y not go teach us herself. pity she wasnt around when ms lim gave the sec 1s their "be humble, your seniors are infinitely more experienced than you are, so if they tell you to shut up, you shut up" talk, she desperately needs it. keep feeling lyk slapping her. how did i ever get stuck with such a junior... ever since pri sch, summore... *scowl*
Saturday: weird? i can't seem 2 rmbr anything that went on on saturdae, but i rmbr my elbow hurting more.
Sunday: dint sleep at all, argh, was up the whole nite doing my stupid art. damn clay. argh.
Monday: weird? got a lot of oohs and ahhs at my art, but not rlli very helpful, cuz THE DAMN LETTERS WERE DROPPING OUT. Ran 2.4 again. pretty stupid that it only seemed fun after i got bored with the game we were plaeing. fur kept snatching the balls that were supposed 2 be 4 me. sigh. feels lyk she's stealing manyun from me. *resentful* not possessive or anything, but hell, i usually only hang with manyun...
Tuesday: bored. this sux.
Today: quarrel. nicole was sick. huh. dance was fun!!! paired up with Acey during PCCG, had a whole lot of pointless class discussions about some PCCG wisdom crap. went 2 KAP after sch. very angry with nicole.

a note 2 nicole, if she ever dares 2 show her ass over here: LIEW QI IS SOOOOOOOO WAYYYYYYY MORE WELL-LYKED THAN U R, DUMBASS NUT. i am screwed, but anyhow i think she shld noe that i dun rlli lyk her anywae. she bitches aobut me anywae, 4 no reason. hell, who cares. the lowest lyfe-form on earth is my classmate. yay.

-=tSaRiKoS's In A pMs-Sy MoOd AnD eXtReMeLy MaD=-

Wednesday, May 21th, 2003
9:27 p.m.

"Can I bitch about somebody?" - Jean
sigh. geog mock exam. sucked. urgh.

gep lunch was damn fun. then me and joyce and cm and xinni and geraldine and davina were on the swing, and xinni shoved, and we went rocking up and down and geraldine's drink splashed all over me and cm --" then we plaed basketball. fun! 2/11 vs. 2/12. but near the end, i was diving 4 the ball and fell. literally scraped my elbow raw and slammed my head, cheekbone, hip and right knee against the netball pole. aching lyk mad and bleeding from the elbow. sigh. then evry1 was gathering round me murmuring and janice picked me up and she was lyk "r u okae??" in this worried tone and she hugged me O.O strange. suddenly noticed there r so many pple whom i lyk and respect but i've nv hugged b4.

I dun rlli lyk elaina. she always daos me. maybe its not intentional, but still, how dense can a person be, not 2 notice when some1 else goes by and says hello? some1 u noe, 2?? *scowls* i used 2 think karen was very dao also, but yeah, she's not that bad. i stand next 2 her in the quadrangle 4 flag-raising, and she's actually rather nice. ah well. *checks watch* dad's taking a bloody long time 2 come...

-=tSaRiKoS iS sIcK oF gEoG=-

Wednesday, May 14th, 2003
6:29 p.m.

"I'm sure that with time, all of you will become noisy people. As noisy as ME, yes... *fake sniffle*" - Val
ugh, haven't blogged 4 almost a week, argh. okae, shall do a rough overview of evrydae from last mondae till now.

Monday: Lousy, lame, a lot of hmwk as usual.
Tuesday: 2 observed lessons, 1 after the other. Lab practical. Fun!
Wednesday: Quite alrite, spent PCCG planning our class (gep, rlli) lunch next wednesday. yay. Oh, public speaking presentations 4 two grps.
Thursday: Public speaking presentations again. Qintan copied off Jennifer's notes. Grrrr. Ms Choo dint let my grp finish our presentation cuz Maine's (Qintan's) took alot of tiem and Ms Choo was late 4 her staff meeting. Double Grrrrr. NAPFA sucked. Wasn't even allowed 2 run w/o shoes and socks. Hai...
Friday: ITE was fun. created some weird band with jennifer and manyun, claled the "Toxic Bananas", lolx. Choir day!! bwahahahahah. Learnt "Thank You For The Music" and combined it. Shall put the lyrics for my part below, cuz i luv the song.

I'm nothing special, in fact I'm abit of a bore
If I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before
But I have a talent, a wonderful thing
'Cause ev'ryone listens when I start to sing
I'm so grateful and proud
All I want is to sing it out loud
So I say

Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would Life be
Without a song or dance, what are we
So I say Thank you for the music, for giving it to me

Mother says I was a dancer before I could walk
She says I began to sing long before I could talk
And I've often wondered: How did it all start
Who found out that nothing could capture a heart, like a melody can
Well whoever it was, I'm a fan
So I say

Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would Life be
Without a song or dance, what are we
So I say Thank you for the music, for giving it to me

I have been so lucky
I'm the girl with golden hair
I wanna sing it out to ev'rybody
What a chance
Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would Life be
Without a song or dance, what are we
So I say Thank you for the music, for giving it to me

To me, so I say
Thank you for the music
For giving it to me
Giving
It
To
Me

*grinz* there. now, on to 2dae.


Saturday: Public speaking! sigh, damn screwed, NY dint win anything, urgh. I'm so angry with nicole, yesterdae renyi told me she had 2 give *~*~* (thats somebody nicole has a crush on, even if she doesnt lyk ME, i'm not about 2 prove myself untrustworthy and blurt out his name her) a burthdae prezzie from nicole, and and since he used 2 be quite nice 2 me, well yeah, he's a pretty gd fren, and so i asked her 4 his hdfone number and when his burthdae is, and can u believe she refused 2 give me his number?!?! just cuz she says she's possessive, and lyk hell man, so now she expects 2 go beg her 4 permission 2 sae happy burthdae 2 my own fren?!?!?! *flaming mad* and then now i find out that she's been bitching about me "flirting 2 alot of guyz" to jennifer. lyk, WHAT THE FUCK, if I'M flirting, then what're pple lyk herself and qintan doing huh, taking a stroll thru the guys' schs?!?! sigh. damn, i hate it when pple malign me.

urgh, im dead, managed 2 lose evelyn's surveys 4 her. was supposed 2 pass joshua the surveys to distribute 2 the VS pple, but i dint dare, cuz alot of pple in NY gep were watching, so grace helped me pass them 2 a random member in the VS public speaking team, and told him 2 distribute them and get them back 2 me by 2dae (i luv u grace!!! *hugz*) but in the end he LEFT. i cant believe it, he just LEFT with the damn surveys, and, lyk, joshua was 2 bodylengths away from him and he dint even get the darn survey. sigh. evelyn dint reply my 2nd sms. i hope she's not mad at me or anything...

damn, so many bloody tests and stuff next week. i must go rerun my 2.4. dun lyk my timing. byebye, sleepy...

-=tSaRiKoS iS a SlEePy MaMa JeLlYfIsH wItH a WiDdLe TigEr CuB fOr A sOn=-

Sunday, 11th May, 2003
12:16 a.m.

"Don't leave, Mel, don't leave..."
sigh. worst dae ever. i can't believe mel wants 2 join SYO... cuz that'll be pracs twice a week, and she'll have 2 leave choir... nobody understands how much she means yo me, she's practically my best choir fren ever, and if she leaves... yes, i noe i can see her during sch and whatever, and it'll be the same, but it won't. choir won't be the same w/o her jostling next 2 me or whacking me on the head with a rolled-up score. right now i'd be willing 2 let her whack me into oblivion if it meant she'd stay. "I'd do anything..." i guess im the kind of person who doesn't let frens go easily. usually when i finally do, i cry thru the whole process, and after they're gone, i cry somemore. call me a wimp if u want, or if ur just plain callous and mean. crying is normal, and i just happen 2 be rather emotional. so what? i have plenty of reasons to be.

sigh, and cherie just mentioned that peesh (peishan, our ex-pres) said there'll be more interviews tmrw. this time with the tchrs, soh ee and ms lim. im gonna die. already almost had a nervous breakdown from 2dae's interview. i thot i'd get yuru, and i was seriously glad that i got chek, qinyou and joyce instead, but about 1min in2 the interview, i was wishing i'd just decided not 2 try 4 committee after all. they're all 3 of them usually very bouncy and happy, but chek was being totally hei1 lian3, if u get what i mean, and rlli rlli stony-faced, and the other 2 wern't much better *shudderz* this has just about cemented my aversion to interviews. shall attempt 2 avoid any future interviews. and i can't believe val was interviewed 4 almost half an hr... and when evry1 was flowing out, we saw ALOT of pple inside her interviewing room: Peesh, jiehui, yuru, shuxian, dunno who else. and then quijun went in, and a min later she came out wailing, "I'm not wanted, oh my goodness!!" ^^

sigh, am i being abit 2 depressing? shall attempt not 2 be, but its hard not 2 be, when there's so much crap falling down around me. not just me either, cherie's depressed, and she says she thinks she dint do very well 4 her interview. come 2 think of it, i dun think i did very well either. and chek was trying 2 scare me, i think. when we were all leaving, she came out of the interviewing room and she was grinning at me and going, "Horh, YOU arh... *shakes finger*" and joyce was next 2 her going, "oy, don't be so bad lah" o.O

urgh, sleepy. tired. and about ready 2 cry again. sigh. byebye. (my junior rulez!! Wing Kee ^^ dA winky... hmm, shall not be so mean, her chinese name is Yong Qi, so i shall call her that)

-=tSaRiKoS iS mIsErAbLe AnD cRyInG hEr EyEs OuT. gO aWaY.=-

Sunday, May 19th, 2003
7:29 p.m.

"Wot? read them, they're gd" - Ben
sigh, i cant believe this, i got my Evanescence cd back from manyun 2dae, made a bet with her about some harmonising part in "Haunted", lost the bet, and lost the cd *sighz* i left it on my desk, then went 4 art, and i nv saw it again... *ominous rumble* come 2 think of it, YYD might have seen it. shall go bother her now. just my luck tho, the 1 time i actually need her and she's not online. dun feel lyk writing anymore. its been a lousy dae. *runs screaming after YYD* *wait a minute, where the heck IS she...*

(just 2 tell the pple who've kindly helped me try 2 find it, it was with renyi --")

-=tSaRiKoS iS fRaNtIc AnD tOtAlLy UnHaUnTeD nOw *SoBx*=-

Wednesday, May 15th, 2003
10:53 p.m.

"I'm away, duh.>.< and to cherry, BLEAHHH" - Automessage
wahahahahahah, romeo and juliet was so funny! cute 2!! only Juliet's speech was kinda singlishy... the nurse was hilarious! *Joo-lee-ETTTTTTTTTTTTT* *sniggers* sigh, i wanna watch it again... 'twas fantastic, especially what with the fact that they've got so muchton their plates and wateva (the sec 4/12ers. they rule!) hmm, the prologue was very very nice...

Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of there two foes
A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life;
Whose misadventured piteous overthrows
Doth with their death bury their parents' strife.
The fearful passage of their death-marked love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.


nice ritez!!!! sigh, after r&j was funny 2, manyun and i kept pulling qintan's halterneck strap undone, and she kept screaming and grabbing at it b4 it fell. and wld u believe, nat was wearing a low-cut spaghetti strap, but with a jacket over it, so i dint see it *sad* *pity* then we took pics, and 1 of the pics was with me and manyun yanking on qintan's strap and her grabbing at it ^^
saw so many pple there man... NY pple: Manyun (duh), Cherry (duh), Qintan (duh), Charmaine (duh), Denby (duh), Yawen (duh) [actually i think the whole of theatre club was there. supposedly 2 see how awful it was or something o.O"]and a whole lot of other pple whom im not gonna "duh" 2: michelle, vanessa, larissa, pearlene, serene, jean, huiying, zwing, sylvia, rachel, nicole, sarah, karen, nat, elaina, xi an, lisabel, vic, and a wholeeee lot more (i've just noticed that i dint see joyce there 0.0) then there was grace, eve, zhengxun, dickson, ian, ian, alex and a few others, cant rmbr. *being a bit 2 windy here, rnt i*

anywae, I'M DELIGHTED, got nominated 4 choir committee!! havent got in, and SO totally not confirmed, but man im happy! I'm wondering which sec 4 nominated me *scratches head* hope i can get in. interview with jiehui and yuru next week *sweatdrop* scared, ahhh. cherie says that yuru's quite lyk her, but the difference is that even when cherie doesnt smile, she looks cute. when yuru doesnt smile, she looks extremely hei1 lian3, and thats a very scary face 2 talk 2. sigh, wish me gd luck...
gtg now, bro's nagging. sigh. just my luck 2 have a naggy brother. byebye. g'nite...

-=rOmEo AnD jUlIeTeD=-

Saturday, April 26th, 2003
11:57 p.m.

"DUNCHA LOVE MY BLOG, YA SILLY GIRL!"... "silly mikki head!"
mweheheheheh, had a crazy conv with vic. she's funnier in real lyfe. bwahahha. sigh, im going crazy. the 1st day we ever had no hmwk (well, at least i THINK we had no hmwk, altho it seems rather impossible) and my mom forces me 2 dismantle my room. yay. goodie. sigh.
Buffy later!!! last week Willow brought her back 2 lyfe, and they had this rlli pathetic robot version of her that was extremely weak and stupidly cheerful. cant wait *skips in glee and anticipation*
huh, 1st vic starts teasing me bout josh (TOTALLY unfounded, might i add) and then she starts using that stupid "blahblah and blahblahblah sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G" thingie. bah.

Dance 2dae was kooky as usual, and PCCG was more fun than expected. we plaed this weird game where we had 2 pair up with some1 (me, renyi and faith did as a grp) and answer some questions about her, and see if we got it rite. it was weird cuz int he end all 3 of us tied, and we were either cheating, making wild guesses, or (in my case ^^) giving myself the benefit of the doubt. and i cant believe renyi 4got what estate i live in :P wahahhahaha renyi, I HAD THE SAME BRAND OF SHOES AS U AND U DINT NOE IT, HEE. lucky i took off my shoes tho, or u'd have seen :D
Pin DOES have gd ideas, i've discovered, no matter how tiny her brain is. she actually gets pictures of us from when we were born till now and she puts them in a presentation 4 whoever's burthdae is in the present month. nice yah? 2dae's was Michelle's (Mdm. Wrinkle!!) and Larissa's thingie. theirs was actually in Feb, but dunno why ms tan tuo2 dao4 xian4 zai4 *shrugz*

Nat showed me how 2 catch moths, lyk, grab them by the wings, and its rlli rlli cute, cuz when u grab them, they just curl up their legs and play dead ^^ i caught a few more after she left. let all but 1 go, and i let that 1 free outside class, when yuj and I were leaving. i nv realised how overrun our sch is with these little moths. they're lyk, everywhere, and there was even a flattened imprint of 1 on the wall *flinch*

bought yawenny a prezzie 2dae! her burthdae's on fridae, but if u ever come here, HAPPY BURTHDAE YAWEN!! *biiiiiig hugz* im pretty much broke now, still gotta go get Krystal a prezzie, hers is on sundae. MAAAAAAAAN im gonna love my burthdae when it comes :P litz was wandering around squealing that she was 14. sigh. i dragged Mel out 2 wish her happy burthdae ^^ so fun, cherie hugged me 2dae. 1st time i ever hugged cherie =) and we were just standing there with our arms round each other (incidentally, just outside the toilet --") and she whacked my back, so i whacked her back, and we just stood there whacking each other :| hmm, that was slitely more than 12 hours ago. sigh. shall go now then. g'nite.

-=tSaRiKoS iS hUgGeD tO dEaTh=-

Wednesday, April 23th, 2003
10:53 p.m.

"Let's be bitchy." - Yinkae
bleahhhh, haven't blogged 4 so long. sigh. how can pple STAND not blogging 4 more than a week??? i can't stand it even after 3 days o.O currently annoying fur. its fun talking 2 her, i can make all sorts of mean comments and rude implications, and she doesnt mind, cuz she noes thats just me. sigh, nice to be understood... *smiles*

Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
Fearing me, loving me
I won't let you pull me down

heh, im crazy over Evanescence now. if u value ur lyfe, dun insult them in front of me. hurhur *imitates yinkae's weird laff* sigh, ah well. im so happeeee!!! carol finally hugged me 2dae!!!! lyk, she came in and told em 2 switch off the com (i was plaeing on the class com after the stupid hcl tongyiceyan) and after that... *shrugz* cant rmbr. just that when she let me hug her i think i hugged 2 hard. happy! hmph, the test was horrid. hrmph. gtg, ugh, mom nagging again (i noe, i noe, she sux. yay.)

-=tSaRiKoS iS hAuNtEd=-

Tuesday, April 22th, 2003
10:53 p.m.

"I'm going under, drowning in you"
yay, yesterdae was so fun! went 2 jean's house 4 awhile, then went 2 watch "Just Married", and Ashton Kutcher is so totally cool... and im stone-cold broke now, bought "Fallen", but i dun regret it - Evanescence rawkz!

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all of my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you elft behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me


oh gosh, i seriously love that song... had choir 2dae! was terribly fun, ms lim was telling us all kinds of strange stories bout how she had 2 pester the CCA head or wateva 4 when the SYF was pushed until and guess wat, its from 21st-26th July. that's lyk, the best and worst burthdae prezzie i'll ever receive, probably, and ITS IN NYGH AUDI, WHICH IS SO TOTALLY BAD, argh.
and our new sec 1s r totally bad, even worse than the sec 3s. as cherie said, the sec 3s, when they 1st came, were air and sound. the sec 1s now r all air and no sound. sigh. its a disappointment, i was kinda hoping they'd be more lyk us sec 2 choristers. im not saeing we're terribly gd, and maybe we rnt, but we have our fair share of gd choristers, and we're dedicated enuf 2 stae back and have our own practices when things r going bad, and we're all extremely close, and mostly volunteer 4 choir stuff as a level. these sec 1s dun look too promising, sigh. (how're we gonna get thru the SYF...)

Just had a very nice talk with Cherie (over msn) and she told me that her batch of geppers look down on choristers 2, just lyk what my dear siokhui does 2 me. sigh, its quite a pity, if not 4 cruel, biased, pissed-off, screwed-up gals lyk siokhui, this gep wld be almost perfect. ah well, guess evrything's gotta have something screwy in it *shrugz* she's lucky tho, she looks fierce enuf that not many pple tangle with her. im not very lucky, siokhui wld tangle with any1 if she felt lyk it. i still rmbr how we used 2 yell and scream and quarrel last yr, simply because she insulted choir alot. lucky most pple respect me enuf not 2 do that. i luv all my frens *happy sigh* alrite, i've got alot of hmwk now. must go finish the crap and attempt 2 start the rest. ugh.

-=tSaRiKoS iS gOiNg UnDeR aNd ShE's FaLlEn FoR yOu=-

Sunday, April 19th, 2003
7:29 p.m.

"Romeo! Romeo!...*sniffsniff* where fart thou Romeo??"
bwahhahaha, the shakespeare thingie was so farnee!!! lyk, especially the top 5 lines that dint get in and wateva *grinz* thats where the quote above is from. "To be... or what" then that farnee part where the guy was trying 2 do "to be or not to be" properly, and when he finally got it rite, he 4got his lines ^^ 'twas a riot, rlli, my throat hurts lyk hell from laffing, and manyun kept laffing crazily and falling sideways on me and laffing even harder O.O

so mean, after the play, so many pple immediately left the audi. i mean, these 2 pple put in so much effort 2 put up this play thingie 4 us, and they (at least the gal was here last yr) come evry yr and give performances 2 us, and they just leave when the play is over?? not even staeing 4 the q & a session?? >.< so mean. sigh.

yay, going out tmrw! going 2 jean's house in the morning, then after that gonna go watch "Just Married" ^^ can't wait! Ashton Kutcher rulez! hmm, 2dae elaina and cass were asking pple this "Shoot, shag or marry" thingie, where they give 3 choices of guys (or in nat's case, females, or they cld have given a mix *shrugz*) and ur supposed 2 choose who u wanna shag, shoot or marry. and THEY GAVE ME LOUSY CHOICES, i mean, Joshua?? Gerard?? YILIANG?? and i made a horrible mistake, cuz i thot i heard "marry" as "bury", so i chose 2 marry yiliang by accident -_-" then i shot gerard, and, um, yeah, shagged josh >.< then they turned 2 nat and they were lyk, "NAT! Shoot, shag or marry, Yingdan, Ms Ow and Nicole!" >.O noticed nat's choices were all gals? =P sigh, sometimes sch sux, but at times lyk this, its extremely funny.

sigh, then we plaed volleyball during P.E. and its bloody amazing 2 see what shades of red pple's arms can go. i mean, my own was kinda dark-red, and manyun's was pinkish-red, and cheryl's was sorta inbetween. as a tribute 2 my wonderful, amazing and dear class of 2/12, i pledge 1 word in memory of the P.E. lesson on 17th April: OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

lastly, b4 i go 2 watch "Are You Being Served?" (oh no, im late liaOx, sigh), i also wanna dedicate 4 words to the whole of the NYGH sec 2 gep: I LOVE YOU ALL! *okae, maybe not ALL, but i CAN overlook the 1 or 2 of them who dun exactly make me feel warm and fuzzy or wateva, can't i* okae then, bye~ *mí±ší³¸230;§‹z*

-=tSaRiKoS's GoT hEr EyEs On YoU=-

Monday, April 14th, 2003
11:57 p.m.

"I saw you smiling at me, was it you or just me??? huh?" - Manyun
lolx, dance was so farnee 2dae... at the end, cuz 2/11 and 2/12 have dance together, chen lili made 2/12 perform that weird "mo li hua" thingie 4 2/11, then vice versa, and after we finished ours, janice and elaina and *i think* karen yelled "2/11, don't die!" and joyce explained to me that it wasnt that 2/12 was gd, but simply that 2/11 was wurse ^^

then theirs was extremely farnee, wuf had 2 stand in front and sorta lead us all, cuz she's in dance (CCA), so she was doing that weird move where we're supposed 2 spin round and twist our legs round and sit down, and she did it rli gracefully, and behind her, 2/11 just plonked down on the floor and twisted their legs *laffs* some actually quite unsuccessfully, but im not gonna comment, 2/12 was about the same *embarrassed*

sigh, i've just thot of the fact that, if i wrote down evry single stupid little thing that's floating around in my excuse 4 a head rite now, i'd probably finish typing somewhere next week. buhbye then, dun feel lyk typing anymore 2nite...

tSaRiKoS's GoT hEr EyEs On YoU

Monday, April 14th, 2003
11:57 p.m.

"So let me come to you, close as I want to be, close enough for me to feel your heart beating fast..."
sigh, 2dae was pretty cool, Dad found a pupa last nite and gave it 2 me, so i brought it 2 sch, and it hatched out during recess! *grinz crazily* it was this pale-splotched-black-winged moth, but the poor thing cldnt fly, 1 wing was twisted. dunno where it is now, i left it with nat, and fur says it was still with nat after CCA. ah well.

ms tan was such a bitch, during math (after recess) it was perched on my bottle, and she walked by and she was lyk "What is that?" and blahblahblah. i told her it was a moth, that it hatched out from its cocoon during recess, and it was drying its wings, and she asked me where i got the pupa, and i said i brought it from home, and wld u believe she actually said WHO GAVE ME PERMISSION TO BRING IT *glowers* thats lyk, WAHLAO, im not a little kid or anything, and since when does any1 give me permission 2 bring something lyk that, s'not lyk its dangerous or anything, and i dint exactly expect it 2 emerge 2dae, i just brought it 2 scare the pple who're afraid of bugs, sigh. *stabs imaginary ms-tan's-big-ass*

so sad, lyk, thru the 2 weeks, i was missing evry1 lyk hell, except manyun and fur, cuz i went 2 their houses, but yes, i missed denby and carol and all of the pple i love and heck, can't mention them all, 2 many *shrugz* then went back 2 sch and i CLDNT HUG CAROL, cuz her parents were afraid that she wld infect other pple if she was sick (not SARS, duh) when she said i cldnt hug her, i almost cried, altho im not gonna tell her that...

lucky 2dae was better, she said she cldnt hug pple, but pple cld hug HER ^^ doesnt make sense? who cares. i cld hug her!!! *ecstatic* then i hugged her and i think maybe i hugged 2 hard, and she was saeing something, but i dint exactly hear >.< sigh, gtg now, dad's nagging. g'nite...

tSaRiKoS's GoT hEr EyEs On YoU

Monday, April 14th, 2003
11:57 p.m.

"Darling so there you are, with that look on your face, as if you never hurt, as if you're never down..." Eyes on Me, FFVIII!!!
E Y E S O N M E

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine on you

*Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I want to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if you're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

sighhhhh.... I'm falling in love with that song... *dreamy look* just for the info of pple lyk litz (who has actually moved on 2 tease amanda, so im safe now), i only love joshua as a friend, and he's a very very gd fren, almost the equal of, i dunno, manyun or grace *muse* (thing to note: keep inbox away from litz and manda)

ah well, not much stuff 2 sae 2dae, except that there was that stupid SARS talk this morning, from 8.15am to 9.30am, and we were So totally suffering thru it. nv noticed sarah ooi was so nice. always had this weird impression that she was either bimbotic or act cool, i dunno y *shrugz* but she's kinda lyk nat, just slitely different. i dunno, not very gd at analysing pple, i just get 2 noe them abit better then love them *shrugz*

sigh, so late liaOx, and i've already slacked alot, was supposed 2 study 14th and 15th ke4 for hcl tmrw, he lao shi's gonna kill me... g'nite all! *mí±ší³¸230;§‹z~*

tSaRiKoS's GoT hEr EyEs On YoU

Monday, April 14th, 2003
11:57 p.m.

"-4¤|F£¥iѧ §禿222;£觼¿[~Aishiteru~] Sigh, hmwk... // U blasphemers, I do NOT love, um... Wen yong -_-" *glowers at litz and manda*"
ugh, litz and manda r going crazy. they're accusing ME of lyking josh when they're the 1s who talk 2 him so damn often. i mean, just LOOK at litzee's tagboard...

litzee: ok! i just disabled the filter...hopefully i can say hui.
JuGGeRn@uGhT: she does not lyk me kae... she does not... amanda ure being mean n ohh ids so coincidental...
amanda: the tags below are purely ficticious. any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincedental and unintentional.haha
litzee: hahaha! "h.u.i" is a vulgar word! haha! kerryn has a vulgar chinese name.
amanda: zhen wen yong and chen huii xian sitting on a tree..
litzee: ahh! it's supposed to be h.u.i!
litzee: wait...i try again...*beep*...does it work? or come out as a beep?
litzee: huh? how come there's a beep in my thingy? i meant h u i
litzee: zhen wen yong! *beep* xian yong yuan xi huan ni! LOL. heh.
litzee: haha...tts cule. joshua has been honoured dunno how many million times by us...lol.
amanda: kerryn loves joshua!!!! hahahaha..

SIGHHHH... and just in case u dint noe (or rather, u were stupid enuf 2 not noe by now -> no offence 2 all the stupid people out there, i still love you!), joshua's chinese name is zhen wen yong. and mine is, well, jiang hui xian. sigh. i have no idea y amanda said chen hui xian. and y the heck is my poor name vulgar?? =S

sigh, ah well. last nite i was lying on my bed trying 2 fall asleep and i almost had a heart-attack, josh called my hdfone. the worst hting is, since sch hasnt started yet, i dint have it on silent, so it RANG. HamsterDance plaed damn loud from my fone ^^ then we spent 1/2 hr talking, and arguing bout whether i shld tell josh who i lyk (he kept saeing things lyk "But you MUST tell me!" and "The laws of Nature dictate that at 2:10am you must tell whoever you're talking to on the phone who you like" -_-") my hdfone bill is gonna rocket sky-high man, almost 2hrs spent talking in 2 nites... ah well. shall go do hmwk now. a complete list (or i THINK its complete. mighta 4gotten something)of hmwk that we have 2 do:

Math
2a (completed)
2b (completed)
Algebra Revision (almost completed)

Geog
Read notes
Worksheet: "Increasing Arable Land"

HCL
Study for TongYiCeYan
Si Han

IRS
Draft survey
"History of Music" (halfway through)

Science
DNA model (completed)
"GM foods" essay
That farnee online tomato thingie *shrugz* (completed)

*sigh* this sux so bad...

tSaRiKoS

Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
6:45 p.m.

"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell, I know right now you can't tell..."
Eek, i luv that song by Matchbox 20, "Unwell", especially the chorus...

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell, But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see a different side of me,

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired, I know, right now you don't care...

heh, i 4got the last line. sigh, had a very crazy mass conv with litz, manda and josh last nite. at 1.25am. until 3am. on my HDFONE. litz was hosting ^^ then went 2 jennifer's hosue 2dae, and gosh, her room is chock-full of snacks and stuff >.< i think we spent half the time laffing, 1/4 of the time eating, 1/8 staring in2 empty space thinking of wat 2 write 4 our history drama script, and the remaining 1/8 of the time actually doing the script. ah well, 'twas fun...

sheesh, mom just got back. she was plaeing mahjong at our Jap neighbour's house, sigh. and now she's nagging *rolls eyeballs* guess i gtg then. g'nite, all...

tSaRiKoS

Friday, April 11th, 2003
1:01 a.m.

"She's not my favourite person in the whole world, but she's still my friend."
sigh, we're getting more and more hmwk now, the tchrs dun seem 2 notice the fact that its not exactly fair 2 give us hmwk, seeing as how they're gonna be taking part of our June hols anywae... hmm, just had a few crazy convos with litz, mandaloo, manyun and josh. basically accusing evry1 of lyking josh -_-" oh man, i luv avril lavigne!!! "WHYYYYY SHLD I CAREEEEEEEEE" heh, Losing Grip!!! (now they're gonna blog about him with "josh wants me to blog abt him. so there. hi josh. lol" *rollz eyeballs* and mandaloo, im NOT imitating andrea, nor wld i want 2 imitate any1, so there.) heh, now we're arguing bout some superspam thing that josh keeps doing, some weird connection that i came up with and josh brought up: "Superspam in his new tv series, Spamville" sigh, sounds quite lame, but its farnee ^^ sigh, now we're in an argument about burthdaes. seems lyk evry1's saeing who and who dint rmbr 2 get them a burthdae prezzie *sigh* i shall have 2 rmbr all of them this yr... *yawnz* bored. avril lavigne rulez!!!!! sigh, been online a few hrs liaOx, my mom's gonna flip. byebye! *mí±ší³¸230;§‹z~*

*I was left to cry there, waiting outside there, grinning with the last stare, that's when I decided WHYYYYY should I CAREEEEEE*

tSaRiKoS

Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
2:57 p.m.

"What doesn't kill me makes me stronger" - Huixian (no duh, not me, a senior)
Sigh, damn sleepy now, but determined 2 at least blog abit b4 i sleep... *yawnz* sigh, had a kinda argument with joshua 2dae. he was telling me not 2 tell joyce when his burthdae was and i was trying 2 guess, and i cldnt seem 2 rmbr it, and he got all pouty. according 2 him, he told me 3 times (y so many times, rlli?) and i shld be able 2 rmbr, since he rmbred mine when i only told him once. then i was guessing and guessing, and apologising madly, and then i started trying 2 ask pple when it was. 1st i asked chiaming, but she dint noe. then i asked xuanwei and litz, but in the end i managed 2 rmbr just b4 they told me. it was 31st May. then just my luck, litz was talking 2 joshua also and i think she told him, cuz i told him his burthdae was on 31st may and i rmbred finally and he greeted me with "hmph, u asked litz!" and i got so mad, and he totally refused 2 believe me, and in the end i just shut up and typed "AutoMessage: Joshua Chan, ur mean. Goodbye.". sounds pretty lame? it was lame, but i dunno, i just got rlli rlli mad cuz i HATE being doubted. then he suddenly went offline and i thot he'd blocked me *shrugz* then when he came online again he apologised and yeah, evrything was alrite again :)

then xuanwei asked if i lyk him -_-" i don't lyk him, i just dun wanna lose him as a fren, lyk duh. rite now he's 1 of my closest pals, last time when our msgs cldnt seem 2 get thru it was 1 of the loneliest times of my lyfe, lay there at nite waiting and waiting 4 my hdfone 2 beep and it nv did *sighz in depression as the memories surface* ah well.

i've noticed that my blog entries and evrything make me seem lyk some psycho on the verge of breakdown. well guess wat? im HAPPY, i just dun show it, and usually its masked by some other shit that comes my way. but seriously, im not THAT depressed all the time, just not very optimistic *shrugz* plus im a very sensitive person whose greatest fears are being left alone by frens and getting betrayed by them (had alot of bad experiences back when i was younger), so, yeah, whoever you are, if you read this, please, do me a favour and don't backstab me, no matter how evil you are, because seriously, it WILL kill me. im insecure enuf.

okae, enuf crap 4 2nite *yawnz* die, got a lot of hmwk left, and sch starting on mondae, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..... *pops back: "g'nite! sleep tight! sweet dreams! *mí±ší³¸230;§‹z~*"*

tSaRiKoS

Saturday, April 5th, 2003
1:16 a.m.

"You never really know a man until you stand in his shoes and walk around in them..." - Scout, TKAM
Hmm, havent blogged 4 quite awhile now. been doing alot of quizzes (personal mission: To try and fill up that space beside all my blog entries with quizzes) but its still not enuf. darn. so fun, on tuesdae i finally got out of the house. went 2 manyun's house! was 2 do a math proj, but hell. we finished at 6+pm and my dad picked me at 9.15pm. manyun was trying 2 teach me how 2 skateboard. its damn fun! but scary. i freaked out when i heard a taxi beep behind me, jumped off the skateboard and ran 2 the side of the road >.<

scratched a new wound in my right arm. this 1 hurt more than the wounds on my left arm (now healed scars) cuz my left arm isnt as strong as my right, so i had 2 scratch faster and more often over the torn skin. lucky it dint bleed much tho, otherwise my parents wld notice. and JUST NOW, my stupid brother threw me off the fone. i swear, that big lump of brainless fat doesnt noe how 2 count, he gave me 5 more mins on the fone and 2 mins later, he picked up the fone and started yelling at me 2 get off. and it's only cuz he had frens over, so he wanted 2 impress them. wanted 2 show them wat a macho big guy he was, that he cld push his younger brother around and beat down his little sister *scowls angrily* ehh, wateva, he sux. phooey.

*KICK ME, SOMEBODY, I'M BORED...* sorry, just very very bored and its raining, and stuck in the house anywae cuz of the stupid SARS *grumbles* ah well, shall not blog 2 much, or i'll have 2 do more quizzes 2 fill up the space ^^ bye, wuvya all! *hugglez*

tSaRiKoS

Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
6:45 p.m.

"And how can I ever let you go..."
ugh, hols being extremely boring now. cant believe i havent done a scrap of hmwk yet, been slacking the whole 4 daez... theres this weird unreality over these hols, y'noe? normal hols wld be chock full of choir pracs, hmwk and pple smsing or calling 2 ask me 2 go out, and now theres this utter silence from my hdfone, and my home fone's rings cuz pple r feeling bored and sianz. sighhhhhh... ahhh, late late late! JUMANJI!!!

tSaRiKoS

Sunday, March 30, 2003
7:36 p.m.

"I'll keep you out of my dreams, just you keep me out of yours"
Oh gawd, wat a nitemare, the explorer's been screwed 4 more than 3 whole bloody daes, ugh. Sigh, after all the planning and thinking thru evrything over the past few daes, its a pity i dint write them down, cuz now i cant rmbr wat i was thinking bout. been koffing up blood since yesterdae, dunno y.

then i've been calling alot of pple, mainly carol, denby, yawen and maine (I'm NOT sucking up 2 them, alrite? is it my fault that i feel closer 2 them??? í²¿8217;í¹ and maybe its been kinda, i dunno, irritating or wateva, so sorry galz... carol mentioned jokingly that maybe i shldnt call her when im not in a bouncy im-so-happy, this-world-and-every1-in-it-totally-rulez-lyk-hell-baybee~ mood, and wat she meant was that i shld try adopting a more optimistic mood, but am i rlli that depressed? *blinkz* sigh, ah well then.

awww man, cant believe how much i've missed blogging over these few daes... oh gosh, evry1 was raging bout the postponement of SYF on wednesdae nite, cuz of the stupid SARS outbreak. im not complaining very much, cuz its giving me a nice break and a whole lotta time 2 slack, but in terms of choir, GAWD THIS MAKES ME MAD, AFTER PRACTISING SO LONG AND SPENDING THE WEDNESDAE PRAC PSYCHING OURSELVES UP 4 THE SYF, ITS BLOODY POSTPONED?!?!?!?!?! *hysterical shriek* sigh, this sux.

and now, since they wanna ISOLATE the stupid virus, we're stuck at home. and my brother's torturing meeeeeee, he's going out very single nite and i have 2 sit here and glue myself 2 the com *growlz* and cant even get the Sega 2 work 2. Oldest bro is back from BMT, he says that in lite of his getting a pay raise, he's gonna buy me an X-Box ^^ sometimes brothers just rule, dun they...

i cant believe this, these neighbours of mine have Ps2, PS1 and Sega Saturn, and none of them r even past PRIMARY 3 yet... lucky kids. they've been coming over alot lately, screamed so much that i got dizzy from the noise. oh man, i luv evanescence... and i got josh 2 promise 2 get me the Evanescence CD *grinz crazily* I LUV U JOSH!!! (as a fren larhx, duh) sigh, think i shall go now, wanna download something and call denzeee and bug her *grinz* g'nite all, luv ya! *mí±ší³¸230;§‹z~*

tSaRiKoS

Saturday, March 29, 2003
10:47 p.m.

"I'm just expanding my patience over you because I'm naturally patient O.o" - Me^^
*grin* having a rather bad dae, but hell, mite as well smyle in the face of all that crap *grinz widely* okae, being lame, sigh. my throat hurtz. im so worried its not gonna get better by SYF (gasp, just 1 dae away now!) and im falling behind on hmwk, AHHHH ITS A DAMN BAD WEEK im just hoping 4 the SYF 2 get its ass over here and then get lost. leaving behind a gold 4 us, of course *grinz*

hmm, assembly was damn hilarious (at least 2 me, cuz im bent on contradicting anything they sae, altho im not rlli that dun-carish and daredevilish. quite the opposite, rlli) but the stupid woman ended 20mins late, ugh. then we went upstairs and i was walking behind carol with manyun and manyun was peeling these bits of dried glue (i'd been spreading it on the back of my hand during assembly and then peeling off the edges so it looked lyk real skin, except way "scalier") and she actually put a piece in carol's hair!
then i went crazy trying 2 get it out w/o carol noticing, then i got carol 2 stand still and i searched thru her hair and got the stupid piece out and manyun went running up the staircase sniggering crazily -_-"

then after sch, b4 carol left, i was just standing over here with this weird expression on my face (maybe it was wistfulness; ever noticed how sweet she is?) and she looked up and said hi, then stood up babbling bout how she was treating me lyk shit and hugged me and i was just standing there blinking and i told her "s'alrite, you can treat me any way you want" or something along those lines, and after awhile she pulled back and held me at arms length and told me something along the lines of "I want you to have your own opinions" (whaaaaaaaat, sorryyyyy, i was zoned, okae??? cant rmbr the exact words...SYF coming, all i can think about rite now are 2 things: carol, and the fact that my throat is SO not getting better) then she had 2 go, and just now at 6+pm i told her that i was hurt, because YES, i DO have my own opinions, its just that maybe im wayyyy 2 over-tolerant of her, its just cuz i always tell her that i'll nv get mad at her 4 wateva she says or does, cuz im so afraid of losing her. that dae when we argued, she tells me she was glad i yelled at her, cuz it showed her what i rlli felt, and that 4 once i wasnt keeping it all bottled up inside me. but i felt rlli rlli bad after that, lay back on my bed and cried 4 almost an hr, even tho we made up pretty quickly, considering we were just smsing (if i'd yelled at her in person, the horror!). its kinda, i dunno, i dun lyk quarrelling with pple. i told carol im just expanding my patience over her (yes, thats where the quote came from) but its cuz im afraid i'll get mad at her again, which is what she wants -_-" supposedly it'll show her that i can trust her enuf 2 tell her evrything, be it while im yelling or while im crying, but i just cant. s'not that i cant yell, i can yell alrite, especially at pple lyk siokhui, but at carol? at the 1 person i luv enuf 2 do anything 4? the 1 person i wld have been willing 2 sacrifice a choir practice 4? tell me, how can i yell at her, when she's that precious 2 me...

and yes, this seems lyk some weird obsession, the type where spastic pple raise their eyebrows and wiggle their fingers and "tsk-tsk" and go "hmmmm, not gooood, this is a deeeesplay of lesssbianism" (sounds lame? yes, cuz i've heard that kinda crap b4, and it pisses me off. altho homosexuality and all that stuff freaks me, i mean, its still normal. s'not lyk some1's walking around with 3 legs, now THATS bloody abnormal.) but seriously, its not 2 that extent. its more lyk im her mom, and she treats me as a buddy. now i noe y moms always sae they're taken 4 granted. i mean, i dun expect her 2 notice me alot, i think im kinda the type 2 blend in2 the background, and shes the more outstanding type, i mean gawd, councillor, duh. still...

*shrugz* guess its gd enuf that she actually notices me. cant imagine how i wld live if she was ignoring me (now how the hell did i get past last yr then...) oopz, getting very late, gtg now, g'nite!

last thing i wanna sae, 2 carol: Carolyn Ang Su-Sze, no matter what you think of me, I will always love you and I'll mother you and worry myself to death over you even if it kills me (oh wait, so how does that equate? either way i die >.<) okay? (And don't get too naggy, i noe i told u i'd only try if u ordered me, but im not exactly the obedient type. no matter how much i wanna obey, i'll get sian after awhile. sorry =|) g'nite then!

tSaRiKoS

Wednesday, March 26, 2003
1:09 a.m.

"Life is about who you love and hurt, and who loves and hurts you..."
Hmm, practice 2dae was quite cool... but 1st off, arrived 5mins late -_-" sigh, left house at 10.20 cuz my mom slowly started changing at 10.10, and the whole wae she was telling me "don't worry, i'm sure your president doesn't mind you going late, since i'm sure many people are always late" *rolls eyes* just cuz THEY go late doesnt give me an excuse 2 go late, mom, most of them r the dun-carish bimbotic bitches lyk Gladys Chew, Gladys Sham and ESPECIALLY Yiwei. Can't stand her, last yr when i was having supper with her and Celine after a concert, she was telling us how mad she was at Quijun 4 scolding her 4 ponning choir. lyk, DUH Quijun wld scold her, what the hell does she think Quijun's gonna do, hug and kiss her and say "oh THANK u, please pon choir more often"??? *scowl*

anywae, digressing again, ugh. sang in quartet position 2dae, and we were pretty gd!! then i was standing inbetween Hui Ying and Shu En, think i gave Shu En a shock in Missa Brevis. Dun think she knew i was an alto 3 for Gloria, cuz she was giving me this weird look at the 2nd audible low part, "Lau da mus te, Be ne di ci mus te" *shrugz* she's fun 2 bully. nice 2.

then after choir 'twas very fun, zoe and sylvia were outside the 1st door and banging 2 come in, cuz it was auto-locked. then cherie and I went over 2 the window and gave them the soppiest smiles we cld manage, then we stood there and waited till they walked off in frustration, then when WE wanted 2 go out, me and cherie stood at the door again and grinned at sylvia and zoe (they came back again) then mel and lilin went out the back door, and when zoe and sylvia turned round 2 ask them how they got out, me and cherie slipped out *grinz* then they banged abit and went off, and Quijun came and peered out, giving us this weird look when we told her 2 close the door ^^ gosh, that was a gd 1...

hmm, been sleeping alot, fell asleep halfwae thru math hmwk, then woke up and whacked my bro's fren's ass in Tekken 4 (his other fren brought his PS 2 over) *grinz* then plaed this weird game where I have 2 run around and hijack cars and kill pple. then i got busted -_-" okae, gtg now! bye! *mܦ#8230;禿249;º~*

tSaRiKoS

Saturday, March 22, 2003
9:54 p.m.

"'Cuz you are incredible, you are amazing..." - Darius, Incredible
Ugh, choir started quite well 2dae but ended kinda badly. We were at Siglap South CC (yes i noe, all the wae across 2 Bedok side. Y? I dunno wat crazy person chose that place, but it was quite a nice place anywae...) and there were 6 schs there: NY, VS, TKGS, TKSS, NASS and FMSS. TKGS wasnt performing yet (afternoon session, so they were just watching us 5) so they were squashed in2 a corner at the back.

TKSS was a patchwork of green skirts, white pants and black choir t-shirts. NY, of course, was mostly white, with a few idiots lyk me wearing our jackets. VS was a mix of white and (i think) black or something, duno y [and they're BLOODY damn ego. hear that josh? even if ur gd, its no reason 2 condescend on other schs] *surly look* [especially when we're all about the same standard 2, and what with Kwei psyching us out, i think, in general, NY and NASS and FMSS handled ourselves pretty well. And FMSS WAS the best of all, y'noe] NASS was in their sch u, blue all the wae thru, i think... and FMSS was also in sch u, yellow top and dark pants/ skirt. and WE had 2 called up 1st, and i tell u, it was a nitemare. Rushing, concentrating 2 hard on ms lim, the notes dun flow, 2 fierce, "chor3loh4" according 2 ms lim... ugh *shakez head in disgust* was worse than yesterdae's. if we do lyk that 4 SYF, we're dead. but that place was a lousy place 2 sing in, pathetic acoustics. exactly lyk our sch hall, only smaller, and air-conditioned, at least.

ANYWAE, FMSS ruled! i lyk their song, that choral excellence song that goes "ding-de-de-ding-de-de-ding..." (that's called "Magnificent Horses", according to Cherie) but i dunno y, they used 2 have the whole bass section do the "clopping" of the horses' hooves at the end of the song, but 2dae it was just 1 small guy doing the clopping O.o but it ruled!

and altho my sense of "rightness" doesnt want me 2 sae this (i regard Kwei and his schs as enemies, altho i shldnt, but yeah *shrugz* hear that josh? ENEMIES *mock scowl*), VS and TKSS were damn gd. the VS sops were straining, and they were pretty soft, but cummon, they were damn gd... and TKSS! *sweatdrop* we're facing them on the 1st day of SYF, only 6 days from now... they sang "miao2 jia1 shao4 nu3", which is a damn nice song, and the 1st guy soloist was bloody gd, as compared 2 the 2nd. i notice that Kwei's schs sang songs which were in the "Victoria Chorale" cd *shrugz*

ah well... then after it all, went 4 lunch at Delifrance with Chermaine, and came home. boring. sigh. ah well, bye all of u!! (there wasnt Allo Allo last nite!!!! *wailz*) wuvya all, especially maineeeee and carol and denzeeee and a myriad of other pple, so im not gonna name anymore. cyaz! *hugglez*
Friday, March 21, 2003
8:54 p.m.

"I'll always be there for you..."
yay, goodie, the tagboard's up, sighz. been grappling with all this crap since dunno when... man, yesterdae was a strange dae. started when carol called me at bout 6+pm to ask if i cld switch CSP sessions with her, cuz she needed 2 go 4 training (competition on saturdae) but i cldnt, and i had choir prac the next dae, which was the dae she cldnt go either. so, to cut the long long long (EXTREMELY long) story short, we cldnt find any1 2 switch with her and yeah, i felt so useless, that i cldnt help, and worse, she was on the fone with me, and she was crying. god that was bad. i cant stand it when pple cry, much less when carol cries.

its not exactly "cant stand it" as in it irks me, but it makes me feel helpless, useless... all the bad stuff, u name it, i feel it. evry sniff i heard from carol was lyk a stab between my shoulder blades, i tell u, and i think maybe it freaked her, cuz she told me "shoosh, i think i you're taking this worse than I am" but i seriously cldnt help myself, i mean, how can any1 bear sitting by, listening to a friend cry, and not being able to console them, and yeah... it sux, and the most i cld do was tell her to hold on, then scream and kick the wall, and i swear, there's a crack in it now. seriously dint care how much my foot hurt, or the fact that there was a cut in the sole made from some jutting-out nail thingie in the wall, and gawd it hurt, but my heart hurt alot worse...

lucky it worked out, sandy tan (that stupid stupid crazy woman who started the whole damn hysterical matter in the 1st place) let carol go 4 training and JBP... ah well, phew. i think that, in doing this, i have at least shown carol that no matter what place she gives me in her heart, she will always be the 1st in mine, and I will do anything 4 her (an example of this was my offering 2 skip my choir prac 2 switch with her, but she refused, cuz she says she knew wat choir meant 2 me, and yeah, i guess that showed how much i value her. wldnt have done it 4 any1 else) ugh, arguing with some freak online now. gtg, bye! wuvya, aishiteru! *mí±ší³¸222;§‹z~*
Thursday, March 20, 2003
9:34 p.m.

"Stay here with me, please..." - Elektra (Jennifer Gardner), Daredevil
sigh, dumb, manyun cldnt make it 2dae, so it was just me, fur and ian cheong. goodie. haiz... hmm, making some adjustments to my blog now, trying 2 add a tagboard so fur doesnt have 2, lyk, send me emails and wateva 2 voice her comments :P yay, goodie, litzee's helping me! her site is very very nice... shall attempt 2 link some frens, altho i think my own site is so horrible that it doesnt deserve 2 be linked, altho litzee already linked it... *yawnz*

Daredevil was so cool! and the kid who acted the 12-yr-old Matt Murdock was so cute ^^ Jack Murdock looked kinda feral, lyk some vampire from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". and Elektra was so pretty!!!! so sad, i cried when she was killed by that asshole Bullseye... hmm, now im broke. argh, wanted 2 buy the Daredevil soundtrack, but i was broke... so smsed Joshua 2 get it 4 me 4 my burthdae :P pity my burthdae's all the wae in July tho, he'd better get it soon b4 it goes outta stock or wateva...

i bought this rlli cool silver ring! its lyk a fish, on a double-ring, and when i wore it and bent my finger, the fish mouth opened, lyk, on a hinge?? *grinz crazily* hmmmm, going mad. nvm. im stuck at home 4 the rest of the holidaes except 4 choir pracs man, my parents r insane. hmm, still cant get my tagboard 2 work. maybe this will help... *types crazily and then decides to erase all the nonsensical symbols* okae, so that DINT help...

the whole dae 2dae fur was ranting about how she wished ernie was there 2 kiss her *SIGHHH* when we were plaeing that farnee puck-game in the arcade, there was this cute Caucasian guy behind me with a grp of frens and he was telling me "hey, you better bloody well win, 'cause I've got my money on you" and then i missed a puck and fur scored -_-" oh no, oh no, SYF coming... (Countdown: 9 DAYS)
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
7:58 p.m.

"You stupid guy!" - Qintan, East Coast Park
Yay, qintan's party was actually quite fun! we went 2 east coast park and plaed badminton 4 about 1hr, then we went cycling and had dinner at mcdonalds, where shawn chua and greg had a very stupid fight. i think shawn threw coke on greg 1st, then greg threw mustard on greg's shirt, then shawn chased greg around and smeared some mixed sauces on him (BBQ, chilli and ketchup, i think), then when he washed up and came out, shawn threw a melted ice-cream cone on him again, think that rlli pissed greg off *shrugz* dun rlli care. shawn seems nice, only i dunno y the guyz all seem 2 have this weird half-low, half-squeaky voice...

then we plaed with sparklers, shawn was the only guy left, and we arranged 14 sparklers in a circle (kinda circlish larh) and we lit them and took a pic, 4 qintan, and i dunno how, but i ended up next 2 shawn, then since we wanted 2 take pics of the 14 sparklers b4 they went out, i had 2 stae next 2 shawn 4 subsequent pics of the sparklers -_-" but it wasnt so bad larh...

then we lit sparklers and threw them in2 the surf and took pics of them in the air. rlli nice! lyk flaming batons... then shawn left and we plaed in the surf 4 awhile, and took pics, just us gals with our arms round each other's necks, and we went home *sigh* quite a nice dae, rlli... Sungei buloh trip and choir tmrw, mom's killing me 2 go sleep. just met a new chs guy, some lim shi hong person. nite! *mí±ší³¸230;§‹z~*
Monday, March 17, 2003
12:13 a.m.

"What if we blunder into something that we can't get out of..."
Hmm, what can i say... Camp was pretty fun! dint blog earlier cuz i've been sleeping off the after-effects of camp. hated the sleeping conditions tho, we had 2 sleep in the damn hall again, so sianz... on the first dae, we had knots and lashing, and dragonboating... knots and lashing was boring, so i wun sae much bout that, but dragonboating and rafting ruled!

My group's raft wasnt very well tied 2gether so we were all falling off the tyres :P was kinda fun, cuz since we were wet after all, we went floating around in the water on our own and washing the sand out of our shoes. then dragonboating was more lyk marching or something, amanda tee from 2/5 was bellowing out "1, 2" and we were trying 2 row in time. Swallowed a whole lotta salt water while rowing, ugh.

then the next dae we had the rock climbing/flying fox/abseiling/tree ascent and a hike, and ROCK CLIMBING WAS SO DAMN FUN, but damn tiring, halfwae i grabbed 4 one "rock" and the damn thing was loose so i got a shock and i swung off, so the guy pulled me up a bit and i managed 2 get 2 the top. poor fur, she went 1st and she dint manage 2 reach the top, then after me the rest of the group reached hte top except 4 a few... man, the pple who did abseiling were babbling bout how it rawked, man, i wanna try it... and flying fox looked so bloody fun!!!

the hike was bloody tiring, had 2 take this big fat detour and climbed up and down what seemed lyk a few hundred steps, but i think i'd gladly do it again, just because during that hike i managed 2 bond with the 2/5 pple and yes nat, they rock. they're damn cool pple, especially Seetoh (Christine) and a new gd fren, Christie... then the gep dint do very well 4 our telematch... but who carez... and now my lyfeskills shirt has a whole lotta signatures on it! and im damn honoured, it has signatures from pple lyk elaina and carol and maine and denby and yawen, pple whom i think r very very very very very extremely cool and cute, and in elaina's case, totally intolerably chio. *yawnz* gtg, going qintan's burthdae party tmrw...
Saturday, March 15, 2003
5:19 p.m.

"Different people have different ways of loving..."

your bitch.

What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*grinz* cute little thing, aint it? *points upward and rolls eyeballs* sigh, i wish, i wish, i wish... According to AC (or dragonAce, whichever you prefer), its okae to be les =| frank, yah... sometimes being in an all-girls sch is WAY more educational than being in a mixed sch... hmm, ah well, can i just relate to "All The Things She Said" by tAtU? altho not to that extreme, im more the mom type, as jennifer says... i think im driving myself crazy, worrying bout pple, but yeah, i guess they're more than capable of taking care of themselves, so i shldnt rlli worry so much, but i dunno y i cant help it, s'almost lyk an instinct *muse* i seriously seriously wish tho... eh, wistful thots. sigh...
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
8:27 p.m.

"Frozen inside without your touch..." - Daredevil Soundtrack, Evanescence
Before any1 asks, no, im not crazy, im just a weird person who's going thru a bloody hard time which is not being made easier to go thru by bitches lyk siokhui *clenches fists* anywae, shall not obsess over that. Just watched Joy Luck Club yesterdae! And it ruled! ^^ elaina was bloody brilliant as Rose Hsu, but pity about vic... no offence to vic, rlli, but i think elaina suited the part better, she's prettier.

Sigh, CRP due tmrw (actually it was due on friday, but due to ms choo being a great person, we can pass it up tmrw) and i cant think of any poem 2 write... what to say? saw alot of pple at Joy Luck Club yesterdae: Brittany (who was gawking at me when i got outta the car), Amanda (a sec 4, NOT mandaloo), Joyce (again, a sec 4, and not joyce lee or joyce tie, but yes, duh i saw joyce lee, she was wearing roughly the same colours as me), Melissa (my buddy! and supposedly my daughter, a sec 2 from A2), Celine (another sec 2 A2, and a very cool person, not that I wld ever tell her that), Magdeline (a very weird and funny junior, who got saturday tickets instead of friday tickets because she wanted to avoid Jez, loing story there), and a whole lot more pple, it wld take a very long time 2 name them all, so im not gonna bother.

I think i shall start trying 2 sort out all my frens, according to name, and maybe i'll add a profile of them, and whoever who reads this, HIT ME AND I WILL BLOODY START WITH YOU. thankyew. sigh, i luv that song "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence, its just so damn nice... been listening 2 it over and over again 4 more than 4hrs ^^ ah well, need 2 do CRP now, damnit. bye! *mí±ší³¸230;§‹z~*
Sunday, March 9, 2003
9:09 p.m.

"FUCK OFF" - Me
goddamnit, was so mad 2dae... that bloody siokhui... it was all during recess, but i have GOT 2 show u wat happened b4 it, then u can see how big a contrast the 2 incidents were. i was rushing around with renyi, trying 2 photocopy some wkshts, and we went down 2 buy something 2 eat, and i met shuxian and huixian, and they told me that 4 SYF, NYC is gonna be the 3rd choir on the 1ST DAE... bad enuf? candid comment by both of them (incidentally, they were nowhere near each other, and they told me the news about 5mins after the other, shuxian 1st, then huixian) was "RUBBISH LAH..." ^^

anywae, that was the gd part of recess. i got back 2 class and guess wat? our DEAR fuckin' siokhui greeted me by telling me how she was throwing me in contingent. again. this 1 seriously pissed me off cuz last yr she already chucked me there and i dint wanna go again, cuz i hated it, but wld she listen? NOOOOOOO. i told her i dint wanna go but she dint give a damn, and i went over to 2/13 and i just growled it 2 amanda cuz i noe amanda hates siokhui almost as much as i do, cuz she hates siokhui FOR me, and i dunno y, i just slammed my head down on my arms and cried. i always cry when im so mad that i wanna rip something apart, especially whoever im pissed at, but i cant. maybe its that utter feeling of helplessness that makes me feel rabidly furious... then i think amanda got a shock, cuz she patted my head and went over 2 2/12, presumably 2 yell at siokhui, with shao-y in tow (god, altho they made it wurse, i luv them both even more now, wonder where i'd be w/o them. great frens...) then siokhui burst in2 2/13, bellowing lyk some insane cow (and looking lyk an insane cow 2) and i dunno, i just got so mad then. a combination of hating her 4 being so unfair 2 me, 4 always putting me as the last priority in the whole damn class, 4 chucking me in all sorts of weird events that no1 wants, 4 throwing me out of the events i want and signing me up 4 the 1s i dun wan, 4 making our class lose competitions and stuff last yr just by being herself, so damn fucking defiant and rude and bitchy, 4 making all those mean comments bout how choir was so easy, when she nv even understood the rudiments of singing (i think that was wat made me hate her most - her meanness over something she had no inkling of), 4 walking over me since P5, 4 making me doubt myself, 4 making me feel weak and 4 making my lyfe miserable... gd god, at that moment i think i truly realised how much i hated her. probably wlda been enuf hatred in me then 2 cower Satan *shrugz*

then started a huge yelling match, and joanne (god bless her) was trying 2 pull siok awae and sheue ying (god bless her 2) must have seen how i felt, cuz she just came over and hugged me tight, and amanda came in and hugged me 2. then sheue ying told me 2 go 2 the balcony (2/13's got a balcony instead'a just windows) and the whole time she was muttering that it was alrite, that she still luvved me, that alot of pple still luv me. i dun think she realised how much those words meant 2 me, cuz i dint show it, in my present condition, and then i heard siok bitching awae behind me and the rage just boiled up in me again and i turned back and screamed "FUCK OFF" at her (now u noe wats the significance of the quote above) then i went out 2 the balcony and totally broke down. i cant rlli rmbr very wel wat went on after that, i only rmbr crying rlli rlli hard, lyk i'd nv cried b4.

now, im sure some pple will wonder y the hell i was crying over that bitch. i wasnt, not rlli. see, usually i cry over frenship stuff, but this time i was crying over the abovementioned feeling of total helplessness, cuz i cldnt very well jump on her and rip her eyeballs out, lyk i felt lyk doing, or disembowel her or wateva, so it just built up in my head and drove me crazy. then jo and fur and a whole lotta other pple came and tried 2 comfort me, adn that was another thing which helped pull me thru. i was looking over the edge of the balcony, and the crazy urge to throw myself down had already wormed its wae in2 my head, but my frens held me down, altho i dun think they cld have if i'd rlli tried to jump: i AM alot stronger than most of them, even together. but noeing that they were there 4 me, now that i'd broken down, made me feel better, lyk "who the hell carez about siok? I have all these wonderful pple here 2 call frens, so y bother bout her?"

and yes, i managed 2 pull myself together in awhile... it was mostly the 2nd bell ringing that jolted me out of my misery. i was so afraid of getting in late 4 geog and getting all my frens in trubble (god bless them all) that i lied to them, said i was alrite, and just walked back 2 class, surrounded by my anxious envoy. i admit that i DID lie, and im not ashamed of myself 4 it: it was a white lie, and i dun think i cld have stood telling them "No, im not alrite, i've nv been alrite and i nv WILL be alrite, can't u see, i've been suffering this whole while and i'll nv be whole, this scar will stae on me 4eva, because evrytime i do something casual it'll open up, just lyk the real wound on my arm" w/o suffering another attack of tears. somehow i managed 2 get thru the rest of the dae w/o incident, altho i almost cried again during geog, but yeah, otherwise it was alrite.

and then after sch, when i was filing my geog file, carol went walking by and she looked in and saw me and rushed straight in 2 hug me, and asked me if i was feeling better. those few words made me feel better and worse. better cuz that was 1 of the best hugs she ever gave me since we quarrelled (thats resolved now, thank god) and worse cuz that probably meant she'd seen me break down. just to cover up, i said "and when was i ever feeling bad?" and she just gave me this solemn look and hugged me again and said "recess time, rmbr?" and then i knew she'd seen, since, as she said, the "battlefield" was her own classroom. then i just reached round and hugged her back (actually, i had 2 hug her head, cuz she was hugging me from a standing position and i was sitting down) and i *think* she kissed my shoulder and hugged me again b4 leaving. that was the 1 of the best things which happened 2 me 2dae, truly...ah well, at least theres Allo' Allo' 2 look 4ward 2 2nite... nite then, bye... *mí±ší³¸230;§‹z~*
Thursday, March 6, 2003
10:49 p.m.

"Bring me to life..." - Daredevil soundtrack, Evanescence
ahh... hmm, this is nice, got home so damn late yesterdae... nv realised renyi and qintan's houses were so far from mine until i actually had 2 take the bloody bus home from there... hmm, xuanwei's getting bloody sickening about gerard, evrything is this gerard and that gerard, UGH. and josh is getting nicer :P

strange, now i seem 2 be falling alseep earlier than him, especially on daes when i wanna go online, then i fall asleep bout half an hr b4 i wanted 2 go online. sigh. waste of time, and i cldnt do my geog and science filing man... ack, the class coms suck, cant connect 2 runescape... im in class now, btw. not in CLASS, as in lesson, but as in, in the classroom. convenient, but they're kinda weird... happytreefriends! (8)dibbi doobi dibbi doo!(8) *humz* now i noe y nat luvs that site. i luv it 2, it rulez...

nat's cool, and i noticed that she lisps alot when she gets frustrated ^^ sigh, i seem 2 be digressing alot. oh yeah, ms choo rawkz! she was talking alot 2 us 2dae during english and lit and telling us about languages and showing us how she managed 2 fluster a bank attendant or clerk or wateva it is with a brit accent and it was so damn farnee ^^ okae, i noe u probably wun be able 2 link this, unless ur an NYGH 2/12 gal, but it was all linked to "To Kill A Mockingbird". Yes, brit accents and wateva were linked to TKAM, and thru Calpurnia :P chew on THAT 4 awhile...

sigh, geog proj due tmrw and i dunno if renyi and manyun can finish it... waiting 4 mom now, and just watched xinni plae Sims on her class com. I've just realised that Janice rulez :P she came in 2 her classroom (she'd just gone out after i went in) and she was lyk "Kerryn! what are they doing on your class computer in your classroom????" and i told her that her own classmates were plaeing rite in front of her and she dint seem 2 care and she was lyk "yeah, but i just kan4 ta1 men2 shi4 tou4 jin4 de (pretend they're transparent)" ^^

no offence 2 yawen, but thats alot nicer than yawen wld be. yeah well, maybe more slack, whichever wae u choose 2 see it. i think she's just plain nice :) urgh, tummy growling crazily, havent had lunch yet, friggin' starving now... damnit, now the sec 2s have 2 sleep in the fucking hall again, we already had 2 last yr so it shld be the sec 1s turn 2 sleep there now, rite? logically its our turn 2 sleep in the classrooms, but NOOOO, we've gotta be NICE, and anywae its ALREADY been decided by the sch that WE r nv gonna be able to sleep in the classrooms, oh GOODIE... goddamn. ahhh, gtg now, sighz, pity. byeeeeeeeeeee!!! *mí±ší³¸230;§‹z~*
Wednesday, March 5, 2003
02:37 p.m.

"My ASS!" - Manyun
gawd, so late, sigh, must go soon. oh! cherry showed me this link, very cute! I luv red, red rawkz!
http://webhome.idirect.com/~kehamilt/typo.htm
anywae, havent blogged in awhile... i notice when i have problems in my lyfe, i tend 2 4get 2 blog. not used 2 having somewhere 2 let it out, i guess... eekz, ive been having a rather destructive week, managed to smash qintan's glasses on fridae... was an accident... I'm sorry Qintan!! and i'm happy, she HAS proved to be a real fren. not that i doubted b4, but im an insecure person. many pple get backstabbed and laff it off, but it unsettles and unbalances me, so i get scared, and kinda over-enthu in trying 2 win their appreciation and stuff. turns out i dun rlli need 2, actually, i think alot of pple dun mind me, and quite alot lyk me! weird, but yeah. i've got a very low self-esteem 2, so, yeah... crap, digressing again. just finished my lit ballad, its kinda stupid, but ah well...

And so it stood, we murderers aplenty,
Who took the lives of those just like us,
Fie! They could not live if we were to
Survive, and so who is to say that war
Is not just an oratory of artillery?

And yet, after the massacre, it is
Us, who come crawling back out,
Up out of the mud, to blink in the
Lancing daylight, which alights on the
Blank faces of the pungent cadavers.

¦#8216;Twould be a surgeon¦#8217;s dream to see
The array of organs, displayed in their
Broken owners¦#8217; bodies; Yet ¦#8216;tis difficult
Not to view these virulent things as
Mere roadkill, and not the men they were.

A Moral Issue! ¦#8220;Art thou to be bequeath
Permission to peddle thy fallen comrades¦#8217;
Internal organs?¦#8221; And they who killed them,
The ones who wielded those cold lengths of Cruelty, look
On, with gleaming eyes, bloodthirsty predators that they are.

¦#8220;Marie, my dearest! Be not disloyal unto me and
Ye shalt find me to do the same; Thy lover shall
Return, thou shalt not spend thy days alone...¦#8221;
And lovers on the homefront weep tears from their eyes
As lovers on the warfront weep blood from their bodies.

As is a circle of Life, so it is a circle of Death,
Where there is no reincarnation, No! Such
Nonsense is not spoken of, it is not
Possible; All that is possible now is
Pain, suffering, blood, anguish, agony.

It is a Dance: a Dance where the slower dancers
Fall back, and those without aggression must
Also fall back, and these are picked off by the
Aggression of the opposition; Indeed, ¦#8216;tis a hard dance,
And one which most will not live through.

¦#8220;A dance?¦#8221; You say, ¦#8220;Art thou mad?
Mayhap thou hast forsook thy wits?¦#8221;
Well and true, it is a dance, a dance of
Blood, and savagery, and through its core,
Agony twirls like a ribbon of deoxyribonucleic acid.

In the fight for one¦#8217;s life, one often finds himself
Rooted, immobile; Despair dances through his
Soul, and he wastes away, waiting either for the
Enlightenment of life, or the aching
Kiss of Death, bestowed by the merciless metal.

And then is the pardon granted, the pardon
From Life itself, this beast which hooks its
Blood-red claws into our being and
Injects the pain of our existence into the
Woven fibre in us; Indeed, we are mere patchwork.

Cast into the endless squabble for existence,
We small humans must eke it out to continue
This humble residing in our frail bodies and
Bear the pain of living; There is a price to pay for
Everything, and Life is the most expensive, and delicate.

Death! Is it anaesthesia or cancer? Does it
Cause pain, or relieve it? I, who have never
Experienced Death, cannot agree with either
Former or latter, but it seems to me that
Life is indeed more cancerous than Death.

And have men, these infantry who pay the
Blood price for our political games, ever stopped to
Think to themselves, ¦#8220;What am I suffering for? Is this
Something which I should be agonising for?¦#8221; He will not
Gain enlightenment, but Death at the hands of the enemy.

¦#8220;Thou art as cattle in a slaughterhouse, thou
Canst not escape this murdering blade which
Hovers ever closer to thy lifeblood;¦#8221; ¦#8220;But aye,
Is that not the nature of this inane pastime of
Leaders, to pitch us headfirst into War?¦#8221;

Quite dumb rite? i noe... but it took me half a bloody hr 2 write it, so my lit tchr better be happee... i shldnt sae that, shes always happee... MS CHOO RAWKZ! mm, an